Day 1 of Not Giving Up

I know I shouldn’t weigh myself everyday or be a slave to the scale, but I was happy to see a dip this morning from yesterday.  It keeps me motivated.  I’m totally fine with doing this my own way this go around and not falling into the “What’s the newest and most innovative diet out there??” I’m just trying to be clean, Gluten Free, and full.  If I achieve those things, then I am golden.  I went to bed early last night to evade the temptation of eating.

I got more sleep, and felt better this morning than I have in a while, and I didn’t eat needless food.  I call this a win.

My run yesterday wasn’t very good.  My hip started acting up again and it made me have to jump off a few times.  I’ve decided to take today off and stretch/yoga and tomorrow I am resting completely with some stretching before bed.  I have to walk across campus to class, so that will count as my workout.  It’s about 3/4 of a mile one way, so it will at least get my legs loose.

I need to know when to rest, and even though it’s a massive worry, I think that after resting I will be good.  I did this last week and it went fine.  It was only when I over did it that I noticed the pain coming back.  So for now, it’s extra protein, water, tylenol, and icey hot.  Sorry for the menthol smell.


I’m at 61% ya’ll!!! In 7 DAYS!  That is amazing.  I am hoping to beat my goal of $1000.00 but I still need help.  As a loyal reader, if you could find it in your heart and wallet to support me (even with $5.00) it would mean so much to me.  I am in the process of coming up with a thank you gift for everyone that donates – SO DON’T MISS OUT!

Mental Stability

I’m getting there.  I will get there.  I looked at myself this morning and saw something I hadn’t seen in a while.  I saw acceptance.  Yes, I have cellulite.  Unless I get Lipo from the guys on Nip/Tuck it will always be there in some form.  Yes I have stretch marks.  They will be battle wounds that I earned.  I will look at them and remember how far I have come.  I have clothes that don’t fit now, which means they will fit soon, and I will look great in them.

Cody’s Crew 5k/Rest/Monday

I ran a race on Sunday called “Cody’s Crew 5k” – it benefits Neuroblastoma research and was started by the family of Cody who suffered from this cancer.  Well I woke up not being ready for this race.  I got dressed feeling horrible, my back hurt, my lungs felt gross, and my entire body was achey.  I was not only getting sick, I was getting the flu.  I begged TPWSNBN to tell me not to run the race, and he wouldn’t – he kept saying “You’ll feel better once your there.”

Well that never happened.

I ended up after the first 0.58 miles walking most of it.  I said “Screw it” to my Garmin and just kept it running so I could get the calorie burn to convert to WW points later.  I saw my pace go from 10’22″ to 14’38″.  I was so upset but my legs felt like they were three times the size that they are and weighed just as much.    I ran bits and pieces in between and then the last 0.40 to the finish line.  I wanted to come in running. I was shocked when I got my pace though for the entire race: 12’12″ finishing at 37’50″.  That – with all of my walking – is still faster than the first 5k I ever did.

So I am still happy that I did it.  But what made it really worth while was:


Yup I got a medal.  I was super excited about this.  I was not excited about the 4 hills on the 5k course.


Resting.  Normally Monday’s I run.  I am supposed to run 3.1 miles today.  Instead I am planning on doing 1 hour of yoga.  Why?  Because I ran yesterday, I need to stretch more, and frankly my body is asking for rest.  This is considered active rest.  If I want to be a better runner I need to listen to my body, and this is me attempting to do that.  Plus my legs still feel like they weigh 800 pounds each.


It’s Monday!  I leave for England in 5 days!  I can’t believe it’s finally here!  I am so excited.  I plan on preliminary packing tonight – along with laundry and putting away clothes – after we go grocery shopping.  I’m dressed up today at work – as in nice pants and heels – because I am washing all of my casual clothes for the trip.  I am not planning on wearing much other than jeans – albeit nice ones – on the trip excluding some dinners in which I will have brought a skirt, wedges and nice top- TPWSNBN is bringing khakis.

We’ll see how two American’s in the UK fare with not being used to dressing up except for weddings, funerals, and the occasional work party.

Being at work feels weird today, but I’m not dreading it like usual.  It’s odd.  I think its because I am taking this new “Once I leave the office I no longer care” approach.  I am also trying to sit with better posture so my doesn’t ache.

I’m starting the 100 oz a day water challenge today as well, mainly because I need to flush out the nastiness in my system from this weekend (Cheese Fondue, Burgers, Pizza OH MY).  I had points for all of it, and tracked it like a champ, so I’m still in the green – so to speak.  I’d like the leave the 16 WP’s I have untouched.  I don’t need to eat that much.  Oh wait, I had a beer last night.  11 WP’s I have left.

32 ounces – DONE.

I know that one way I can help myself stay on track is not buy anything ‘snack worthy’.  By that I mean anything that I can just grab.  All food should take preparation.  It should take care.  It needs to be something that is savored, not woofed down.  Apples and Peanut Butter, seems simple, but you have to scoop out the PB, apples need to be washed, cored, and cut, then you can eat.  That’s a process.  Chips in a bag, regardless of how healthy, require opening the bag.  That is not a ‘process’.  That’s where I get in trouble.

Banana ‘soft serve’ requires a food processor.  Frozen yogurt from the store, requires removing the lid.  Get the point?  I’m going to try to remove the items of food that require nothing more than opening a container, and replace them with snacks and food that require thought.

We’ll see if my random epiphany of an idea works.  It will surely make eating cleaner a priority.


Have a great Monday!


I’ve updated my Race Page to include a picture and my time from the race yesterday!

The Case For (Of) Beer

Plan of the Day:

  • Breakfast: Egg on English Muffin w/ cream cheese, Coffee with Protein and Half and Half, Water
  • Snack: Apple + Fun sized chocolate(Random)
  • Lunch: CHIPOTLE
  • Snack: Banana
  • Dinner: Waldorf Salad with Steak
  • Activity:
    • 5 rounds of:
      40 jump rope or jacks
      30 box jumps, 18″ box
      20 kettle bell swings, 20 lbs
    • 2 Miles Running at 5.8 (constant no breaks)

I need to incorporate strength training like whoa back into my routine, so if that means doing the Crossfit WOD from CrossFit Mamas then so be it.  Lordy lou.

Last nights run wasn’t too bad – 3.1 in 32’49″.  Not my best time, but with something screwed up in my left eye and a constant headache (for two days now) I’ll take that time.  I’m hoping tonight’s workout will help me get back into the mode of Strength Training, and then may be – JUST MAY BE- I can get the guts up to actually go to a CrossFit Box.  I will totally be that chick that walks in and is all like I don’t know how to jump up.

I can feel my shins bleeding now.

If only I was one of those people who could do an hour of yoga 5 times a week and somehow only eat tree bark and kale and have glowing skin and calm persona.

“You could be that way with training.” – My Boss

He has way too much faith in me sometimes.

ANYWAYS.  The Beer Runner posted the following on Twitter and it made me happy on this Thursday Morning, so I figured I would share it with you.  There are so many people who think the idea of beer drinking and running can’t go hand in hand, but they can.  They totally can.

This is how you should drink beer:

Beer Infographic



I am looking forward to an easy day at work, a good workout at home, and a nice evening with TPWSNBN.  For now I am off to research vacation destinations for next summer!

Day 04/100 – 100 Days To Healthy

DVD Review: Jillian Michaels Killer Buns and Thighs

If you have ever done a Jillian Michaels DVD, you know she is no joke.  Well this is no exception.  In fact, this DVD, proves she is no joke from Warm up through the 3 circuits.  The workout is advertised as about 30 minutes, but my HRM was stopped at 40 – this included warm up, and stretching at the end.

The warm-up (approx. 5 minutes) is a full fledged circuit.  She calls it a warm up, but there is no easing into anything here.  You’re sweating and hoping that was circuit 1 by the end.

Circuit 1 –  This in my mind was the second hardest circuit.  I just felt drained afterward.  I also included TPWSNBN in this workout, and he said it was really hard.  You go through the entire circuit once and then repeat it one time.  There were no “cardio moves” in this circuit, really.  I mean my heart rate was up, but it was literally all body weight training.  Also, be prepared for planking.  It happens throughout.

Circuit 2 – Jillian Michaels is Satan.  This is the hardest of the circuits.  I was dripping by the end.  It felt as though my hips were going to explode.  She stated that she wanted to make sure she hit every single part of your buns and thighs, and my God she did.  It hurt, but also felt amazing while it was going on.  It’s a weird feeling when that happens.

Circuit 3 – You will feel as though you have been given some sort of medal from the olympics when she says “Final Circuit”.  This one is a mixture of moves hitting every single part of your butt area.  your thighs, hamstrings and ass will be screaming.  It hurt more than when I ran the half marathon.  Holy Moly.   When it’s over, you can’t even sit down, because the act of that will hurt.

Moves to look forward to in this workout:  High knees, butt kicks, plank forward lunges, deadlifts, static squats, martial arts moves, yoga moves, calf raises, high kicks, donkey kicks, etc.

I did level 1 yesterday (Sunday) – I am fearful of how my run today will go.  Right now, I am not banking on very well.

  • Stars: 4.5/5
  • Likable: Yes, very.  She’s funny, mentions twitter posts, and her ‘back up’ people are the same from The 30 Day Shred.
  • Boring Factor: You don’t have the energy to be bored during this.
  • Soreness Factor: If you aren’t feeling SOMETHING, you didn’t do this workout.

Oh Yeah.



Plan of the Day!

  • Breakfast: 5 hour Energy, Sugar Free RedBull, Coffee w/ Cream, English Muffin w/ PB2, Smoothie
  • Snack: Apple (Optional)
  • Lunch: Mini Turkey Meatloaf, yogurt, carrots, grapes, diet pepsi
  • Snack: NutriGrain Bar – Apple Cinnamon
  • Dinner: Chicken Stir Fry with Broccoli Slaw and Shirataki Noodles
  • Evening Snack: TCBY Frozen Yogurt Bar

Activity: Well I didn’t end up lifting yesterday afternoon, I was too tired when I got home from work.  So Today will be 3 days of Live Fit – Back and Biceps, Legs, Chest and Triceps.  Wheeeeeee.  I’ll be nice and sore for tomorrow’s run and my day off.

I was completely tracked yesterday and though I didn’t fall victim to ‘bored eating’ I ended up having an extra snack/meal/etc after I should have been in bed.  After all of my check in’s with my support group and even saying to my husband “I’m done eating” right before bed I had to have something else.  You know what?  It made me feel gross.

I don’t have the relationship with food that I should have.  I realize this.  I am scared of it and then obsessed with it.  It’s a vice to me, not a source of energy.  When I overeat I don’t just feel bad for messing up, I begin to see myself at my starting weight, 44 pounds ago.  I’m not saying that I think of when I looked like that.  I am saying that I literally look in the mirror and see that person.  She becomes real again.  She becomes the forefront of my mind.  She becomes the reflection in the mirror.  She becomes the proof in pictures.  Then I give up.

I woke up this morning, and peeked at the scale.  I was not happy with what I saw.  I looked in the mirror and was not happy with what I saw.  But something changed this go around of me being unhappy.

I got angry.

Not at the food.  Not at my workouts.  Not at McDonalds (which I have not eaten in 2.5 years).  I got mad at myself.  Like all out wanting to punch myself in the face for being so blind and egotistical.  I do not have my shit together.  I act like I do.  I act like I am the epitome of health.  I act like this while I am polishing off a box of cereal, or a pint of frozen yogurt (neither of these happened last night, so don’t get all preachy with me).

I got mad that I was lying to myself.  I thought about this.  All my life, hiding things from other people like my weight, my eating habits, my lack of working out, and my true feelings on how I was treated by others and myself, have never been me lying to anyone.  I don’t consider omission of things to be lying.  Namely because there are some things that I won’t even share with my husband, let alone anyone else.  It’s really just between me, God, and the scale.  He doesn’t, and there for others don’t, need to know my binge habits of yore.

It helps no one to admit those.  In fact when I tried once, I recoiled, out of fear of judgement.

I am angry at myself.  I am livid at myself.  I am pissed off that I gained the weight in the first place.  I am pissed off that I let myself lose 28 (almost) years of my life on being overweight.  I am pissed off that from the sidelines I watched things like school dances, sporting events, friends, and parties, because God Forbid I walked out into the limelight and have a stomach roll show.  I am pissed off that I am allowing this to continue.  I am not powerless over my eating habits.  I am not weak.  I ran a half marathon.  THAT WAS HARD.  Eating within calories should be easy in comparison.  Right?

You’d think.

So what am I going to do?  I’m taking this anger, this resentment, this pissed off feeling and I am going to think of it anytime I decide to walk into the kitchen.

It’s amazing how we, as humans, can justify things to ourselves.  I ran 3.1 miles yesterday morning, which obviously means at 11:00pm last night I could have a 3rd dessert, right?  No.  I have even noticed that my workouts are dwindling.  I run 3 days a week, and I am supposed to weight train 4 days.  Notice how today I am doing 3 days in one?  Why is that?  Why have I lost the happiness and the fulfillment I once thrived on?  What the fudge happened?

I have no idea.  I have no answers to that.  I wish I did.  I wish I could turn around and tell you exactly what I did wrong and when.  What I can do is document how I am climbing out of this hole I dug way too deep.  I restarted last week, but every day is a fresh start in my mind.  Today is Day 1.  If you look on the right menu, you’ll see a My Fitness Pal Logo.  Click that and you can see my food log for the day.  Exactly what I am putting in my body.  I will promise to you, and myself that I will honestly track each day.  If I am too lazy or embarrassed to track that obviously means I shouldn’t be eating that, right?  Exactly.

Thank you for continuing on this journey with me, guys.  I hope I make you proud.


Not Enough Red Bull In the World

I cannot wake up today.

I am not sure why.  I went to bed before 11.  I slept in yesterday.  I should be refreshed after a 4 day weekend.  But I am not.  I am planning on leaving here around 1 to work from home, unless I start feeling better.  The nice thing about Tuesday’s is, I don’t have meetings or anything to do really other than my normal job activities.

I’ve already had 1 cup of coffee, 1 cup of green tea, 1 5 hour energy, and now I am drinking a red bull. Still yawning.

I think I need to go to bed early tonight.  So that’s the plan.

This coming Saturday, June 2, is my last race till September.  I am happy about this, because as the days drift into the summer months, the humidity and nastiness of the DC summer, becomes stronger and stronger.  Soon it will be 80 degrees with 100% humidity at 7:00 am.  This is no bueno for me.

Some people can’t stand the cold, I can’t stand the heat.

I’m excited to start marathon training in two weeks.  I decided to wait till after this 5k this weekend, and then a week off from running to just regroup and get mentally prepared for this next chapter.  I started thinking about rules and hurdles of running, and things I am just going to have to get over.

BeBe’s Way Of Enjoying Marathon Training

  1. Blisters and black toenails are sexy.  Embrace the dark toenail polish and the build up of callouses so that blisters don’t form and people don’t vomit when you wear flip flops
  2. Who needs to go out on a friday night?  Not this girl.. My social life will consist of long run’s on Saturday mornings which equate to early bed times on Friday.  I’m no college student, I don’t need to go out on Friday nights.
  3. My idea of new summer clothes consist of the heat gear section of Under Armour at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
  4. Sunscreen, chapstick and body glide will become my beauty routine.
  5. 20 mile runs = EATING WHATEVER I WANT
  6. Having TPWSNBN drop me off some odd distance from our house and have me run it home
  7. Long Runs + Snow = Natures own Ice Bath
  10. TPWSNBN gets unlimited Zelda Playing – 20 mile runs will take multiple hours
  11. Stronger body, Better Sleep, tighter muscles
  12. Post its of running inspirational quotes
  14. Being a Bad Ass
  15. 26.2 marathon sticker on the back of my car
  16. BEER (It’s filled with carbs which will totally aid in my recovery)
  17. Duh.. The Medal
  18. The moments of the actual race forever ingrained in my mind.
  19. Back rubs from TPWSNBN (Who am I kidding.. he does this anyways)
  20. I will buy a cupcake for myself from Cupcakes Actually and enjoy every freaking bite.
Plan of the Day
  • Breakfast: English muffin w/ Jelly, Protein Smoothie, Coffee
  • Snack: 5 hour energy, Sugar free Redbull, Green Tea
  • Lunch: Amy’s Light and Lean Tofu Veggie Bowl, Tazo Zero Calorie Iced Tea, Yogurt, Carrots
  • Snack: Cracker Chips
  • Dinner: Mahi Mahi Tacos (Found this on Pinterest!)
  • Activity: NROLFW A2 (Stage 2)
I switched up my running days from Tuesday/Thursday to Monday/Wednesday.  It just works better with my schedule.
Last but not least, I just bought these pants because the color makes me really happy.

Plan of the Day and a Serious Thought


Jeans, Poka-dot Tank, Black Cardigan, Complete with frizzed hair.



  • Breakfast: English Muffin w/ Strawberry jelly, Coffee with Cream, Smoothie with Protein = 383 Calories
  • Lunch: Turkey Sandwich with spinach, cracker chips, yogurt, brownie, diet pepsi, strawberries = 543 Calories
  • Dinner: Chicken Waldorf Salad = 469 Calories
  • Activity: Run 3.1 Miles after work (I don’t care if it’s inside or out.)

I’m oddly aware of my agenda/beliefs today.  How do I reconcile my acceptance of Homosexuals and my Belief in God?  Easy.

God teaches us to love and accept everyone.  That’s it.  Judgement is reserved for him, and he will judge according to his laws.  We are not put on this planet to enforce those laws.  We were put on this planet to spread the word of God, which, correct me if I’m wrong, is spreading love.  God doesn’t pick and choose who he loves.  We shouldn’t either.

Whether your lifestyle is the same or different than mine, is your business.  I don’t care who you sleep with.  I don’t care who you love.  I am not perfect, nor am I void of fault and sin, I have no right to call your lifestyle wrong, or your love a sin.

That is between you and your higher power.

As for me, treat me with kindness, and you will be met with kindness.

Mark 12:31 “‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Seems pretty simple.  This is not me preaching or trying to convert you.  I think the main premise for a lot of the groups out today (i.e. It Gets Better, The Trevor Project, etc) is love and acceptance.  That is exactly what that verse states.  You are to love and accept your neighbor, people in general, with the same love and respect you give yourself.

People don’t always have to be on a soap box proclaiming their beliefs and how they disagree with whatever group (Myself included).  If we all (myself too) gave everyone a little grace, it might be an easier journey here on this planet.

Not a Sermon, Just a Thought.