Category Archives: Spring

One Of Those Days…

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  • We all have those days where everything that could go wrong does.  Except I didn’t have one of those days.  I had an awesome day up until it wasn’t.  Everything was going well, and then it didn’t go well.  Then it messed up.  Then something big messed up.  It wasn’t my fault, but being caught in the cross hairs, I’m involved.  I’m not sure what is going to happen from it, but I know it’s long from being over.
  • I ate my stress and feelings yesterday.  I still tracked, and even with being On Plan and exercising today, I’ll still be over my points by a lot.  I’m okay with this, because frankly, sitting and wallowing never did anyone any favors.

  • I think it’s very easy to fall back into the same old routine.  Eat too much, don’t workout, and then feel bad for myself.  I used to say this was so hard.  But really that’s easy.  What’s hard is not doing those things.  I claim to be strong, and I claim to want this.  So if I want it so badly, then I should just do it.  I should just choose this hard, over the hard of being overweight, tired, sluggish, mad at myself, self deprecating, and loathing.  I started saying that I had to compete with others because they were losing weight/getting thin/looking fabulous, but I can’t anymore.  I am not them.  They have other things going on, other things building towards their success.
  • I have me, my sneakers, my weights, and the road.

  • The past is exactly that.  The past.  I can’t change it.  I can’t go back and rewrite it.  I don’t want to.  I want to rewrite the future.  I know what most people expect me to become.  I know what most people think I will do.  I know that because I am not following Paleo after 6 weeks of trying – and gaining weight, not fitting into clothes, and feeling like my stomach was being torn apart day after day, makes some people feel like I didn’t try hard enough at it, or I didn’t wait as long.  I know the fact that I am back on Weight Watchers, to some feels like me giving in to the hype, and that it won’t work, and I’ll be back to finding some other plan to follow eventually.  Well they aren’t right.
  • A plan works, no matter what it is, if you work it.  You can lose weight on Bob Harpers Skinny Rules of 800 calories a day.  It is possible.  It’s by no means healthy, but if losing weight is your only goal, then yes, it can be done.  Diet pills do work, if you follow the plan.  It’s not long lasting, and not healthy, but it works.
  • There are choices to be made by everyone.  I am choosing to continue with Weight Watchers, lifting, and running and if that doesn’t make me look like this:

  • I’m really okay with that.  I know that this is a goal for some women.  I really don’t need/want to be that muscular.  I just want to be stronger than I am.  A little less jiggly.  Could I be the above picture?  SURE!  (Without the tan)  I could most certainly attain that with enough hard work.  But I’d settle for this:

  • I know I am not fat, but I have fat to lose.  I know I’m not obese, but I am not where I want to be.  So I will keep chugging along.  I feel better when I am on plan, not just mentally, but physically.  My body functions better.  My running is better.  My lifting is better.  I feel better.

  • So after having a pretty bad day, that shook me deeper than I have in a while, I am emerging, much like a cicada does, with a new purpose.  My purpose is to be happy (unlike the cicadas, who emerge to have sex and then die).  I am choosing to be happy, and with that, loving myself.

Things I love:

  • My legs are strong.  I can run for long distances and they carry me across every finish line.
  • My shoulders have become stronger making shoulder presses easier, but not too easy :-)
  • It’s summer so my eyes are a crisp blue – which I love
  • My feet, although a bit beat up being runners feet, are still strong and improving in their movement during my landing

 

  1. What do you love about your body?
  2. What choice have you made to make yourself a better person?
  3. I’m lifting and running today, what are you doing to move?

Food For Thought Thursday:

Monday Moments

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  • First and foremost!  MY LITTLE SISTER IS ENGAGED!

Ahh I feel old.  Craziness!  Happy for both of them!  I’m mostly excited because it meant I could make a Pinterest Board – Wedding Board for Cece! - and start pinning things.  I am sure she won’t use any of my ideas, but I love weddings, and I like to plan fake ones in my spare time.  Congrats again to you both!

  • I skipped The Color Run yesterday.  My left eye was swollen shut, and I felt like death.  The Husband let me sleep in till about 9:30 and then we made our way to brunch where I properly stuffed my face.  I still feel sick from that meal, but hey, I was sick so my body wanted what it wanted.  I still managed to accomplish 3.25 miles on the treadmill yesterday (HIIT and some walking for the mileage) so all was not lost.  I am feeling much better today, and have doped myself up on all the allergy medication I could find.
  • I’m so far loving being back on Weight Watchers.  I’ve planned out my meals for the week, it helped that we went grocery shopping last night, and I’ve already made lunches too!  I’m still having the wave of doubt that this will work this time, but The Husband has faith.  He even said “I think you’ve learned a lot now.  I think this will be the time you can make it happen.”  It helps with that kind of support.  It also helps that I am routinely now making meals that are low on the Glycemic Index just from habit.  I know Carbs – Breads mostly – are a trigger, so I tend to not include them.  I also know that I can have a treat once in a while, but with all the veggies I’m piling on my meals, I’m not hungry.
  • I said it.  I am not hungry.
  • My arms are looking more and more tone.  Don’t get me wrong, there is still a nice layer of flab, and a wing that waves whenever I do jazz hands, but it’s a process, right?  I’ll get there.  Right now I am just enjoying my new love of HIIT running.  I don’t cover a lot of miles, but I noticed on my normal run on Saturday I was able to keep running at a constant pace longer, than before.
  • I start classes again in 2 weeks.  Wahhhhhhh.
  • Today’s Workout:
    • NROLFW Stage 3 B2 & 15 minute Intervals (1 Min @ 7.0 mph, 2 min @ 5.5 mph for 15 min)

Questions for You Readers!

  • What are you doing to move today?
  • Do you suffer from Allergies?  If So, what do you take?
  • Do you Like Weddings?

 

Food For Thought Monday:

I’m Feeling Friday

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  • I rejoined Weight Watchers.  It worked for the first 40 some pounds I lost, because I worked the program.  I am not giving up my lifting or my cleaner eating.  I am fusing the two.  I am excited about this.  I really hope this is the last ‘I THINK I’VE GOT IT” post.  I need to lose the body fat, so I am focusing on clean eating and lifting.  I plan on loading up on protein and veggies on the daily and eat fruit and some grain to keep me fueled for my runs.  I am going to be successful to the end this time.  I can feel it.
  • My hair is ALMOST back to the way it was before I had it chemically straightened.  You have no idea how happy this makes me.  I still have a long road ahead till it’s healthy and awesome again, but for now, it’s better than it was.
Friday OOTD

Friday OOTD

  • I’m seeing The Great Gatsby tonight with the Husband and Friend, and I am so excited.  SO EXCITED.  I love the book, and the original movie, but there is something about Leo Dicaprio being Gatsby.  It just works.

Source

  • Next week is a short week for me (working from home on Friday to start the three day weekend as early as possible) which I am more than looking forward to.  We’ve got a baseball game with my dad, Dinner with the Husbands parents to celebrate his mom’s birthday, and other than that – a whole lot of nothing.  Which is amazing.  Ahhhh weekends without plans are great.
  • Oh hey I’m on UglyRacePic’s!!
  • Not much else going on though.  My Workout today is:
    • NROLFW Stage 3 A2
    • 30 Minute HIIT treadmill workout
  • Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

Food For Thought Friday:

Thursday Things

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  • Last night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself as I started comparing myself to some fictional person I had made up in my mind (usually a mixture of the many beautiful and fit women I come in contact with on a daily basis all jumbled into someone that looks kind of like Beyonce – BUT BETTER, if that’s possible) when I looked at my arm.  What the hell was that? It’s hard, and a lump.   I looked at my husband and said in fear “What the hell is that??” and he felt it and said I think it’s muscle.  I immediately looked at him and said “It’s most likely a tumor.”  He rolled his eyes and started laughing at me, when my mind said This is proof, Bethany.  This is proof that something is working.  At least in your arm – oh wait… BOTH ARMS… something is working.  STOP WAITING FOR THE SCALE TO GET THE MESSAGE.
  • I think so many of us, myself mostly, get tethered to this number.  The number on the scale is as arbitrary as women’s sizes.  Seriously.  Think about it.  Up until recently we had sizes like 8 and 14 and 00.  WHAT THE HELL IS 00? Double Zero’s?  Less than nothing?  Sure it’s easy for a fat person to save face and make fun of a skinny person, but I’m not.  I’m making fun of the size people.  Who made up this crap?  Men’s sizes make sense.  the first number is their waist band and the second number is their inseam.  It’s from ACTUAL MEASUREMENTS.  But women’s sizes are like random numbers because the idea of measurements scares us?  So now, women try to conform to these numbers that not only make sense, but make you feel worse if you are not in single digits.  Thanks Marketing People.
  • I was planning on resting today, but I have the urge to run.  So I think – I’ll be doing 4 miles this afternoon.  I have The Color Run this Sunday, so I lost my normal long run day, and I don’t want to lose momentum.  So I’ll run 4 miles today, do NROLFW tomorrow to finish up week 1 of stage 3, and then Saturday I’ll do a workout DVD for good measure… or I’ll do HIIT.  Or something.  I don’t mind the idea of working out daily as long as when I miss a day I don’t treat it like the end of the world (Like I usually do.)
  • Even though I am kind of only Part-time Paleo, I am still reaping the benefits of it.  I don’t feel tired all the time (THANKS PROTEIN) my hair is so nice and healthy (THANKS HEALTHY FATS!) I’m not Anemic (THANKS IRON!) and I have discovered new recipes and ways of cooking – this comes from not being able to just eat pasta when I am bored.  I am not sore for days after workouts, because the protein I am eating goes to work to repair those muscles, and I am left just feeling strong.  Sure I still crave things I shouldn’t eat, but I think that will always be there in some respect.  For now, I indulge when I want to, and then work hard in the gym and the rest of the time to keep myself in check.
  • I really want to buy a just above the knee length dress for summer.  Like a casual one.  I looked at Old Navy and while they have the style I want, I never have good luck with their clothes – aside from their Active line – which I adore – so I am hesitant to go and buy a dress.  It either fits perfectly in store, and then looks hideous at home, or it looks great and then I wash it and it looks like crap or doesn’t fit.  I have this problem with pretty much my whole closet.  I’m just afraid to purge everything because then I’ll have like no clothes, and with Grad School I have no money… so I can’t go around naked.   Sorry Husband.
  • One last thing… I know this whole journey for some of you is the hardest thing you have done at this point.  I get that.  I know that the desire to workout is not ingrained in everyone’s mind, and the desire to eat healthy and forgo decadent choices is impossible at times ( I live near like every frozen yogurt place in the state, I get it.).  But I also know, you aren’t happy where you are.  I’m not happy where I am either.  I am trying, everyday, to be better than I was yesterday.  It doesn’t always happen, but I also realize I am a heck of a lot better than I was 5 years ago.  Sometimes you need to look back and even if you haven’t lost a crap ton of weight, look at other aspects:
    • 5 years ago I had never run a race, let alone 3 half marathons.
    • 5 years ago my idea of healthy was a salad with cheese and tons of dressing
    • 5 years ago Water was something that made coffee which I then doused in sugar and cream
    • 5 years ago the idea of a workout was 30 minutes walking on the treadmill once a week (if that).
    • 5 years ago I couldn’t fit into my wedding dress, now it won’t stay up without assistance
    • 5 years ago I was almost a size 20
    • 5 years ago My office chair was too tight around my hips
    • 5 years ago my husband couldn’t lift me
    • 5 years ago I couldn’t lift my husband (Haha LOOK AT THEM GUNS)
    • 5 years ago I wouldn’t have believed this is where I would be today, and I would have also punched myself in the face for being anything less than proud.
  • So that’s what I am doing now.  I am proud of where I am, from where I’ve been, and where I will be.

Tuesday Things

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  • NROLFW Stage 3 – A1 = OUCH Central.  I was like “WHAT ARE THEY DOING?” Then I realized that the reps were only supposed to be 6 per set.  Not 15.  Because I can read, and follow directions. Anyways.  I made it through the workout, but only half of the Body Weight Matrix at the End:
    • 24 squats
    • 12 lunges – each leg
    • 12 jumping lunges – each leg
    • 24 jump squats
    • Rest and Repeat Once.
  • Oh I rested.  I fell flat on the floor.  I didn’t even try the jumping plyometric workouts because frankly, no.  My hip can’t take it.  Yeah, I said it.  CAN’T.  I don’t want to go through hip surgery again, so I’m just going to skip those.  May be once my body is stronger, I’ll attempt.
  • The 100 Most Inspiring Weight Loss Blogs!  I read most of them – aspire to be one, one day.  Which leads me to my plan of the day!  I figure taking one day at a time, instead of a whole week or month when it comes to my food intake is best:
    • Breakfast – 1/2 sweet potato, 2 chicken sausage links, 1 protein smoothie, 1 coffee w/ almond milk
    • Snack: Banana
    • Lunch: Spinach Salad w/ Cherry tomatoes, radish, bell pepper, turkey bruger, cheese, light dressing; yogurt
    • Snack: Almonds
    • Dinner : Chicken Stir Fry with Quinoa and Asian Slaw
    • Activity: 3-4 mile run (might be outside, might be inside, might be a fartlek run, might be slow and steady, not sure… don’t care?)
  • I am slowly backing away with my eyes open, from Paleo.  It’s not that it doesn’t work, because yes it does.  But I don’t want to throw certain things out of my diet.  I like wine on a Monday.  I like Pizza on a Thursday.  i’m not going to jump back on the English Muffin wagon, and frankly since I stopped putting these restrictions on myself, I suddenly have a crap ton of protein in my diet.  So I am going Paleo-ish.
    • High protein, some carbs, Very little Dairy, Sugar when I feel like it, Wine when I want it.
  • I’m losing inches with the lifting from certain areas, (waist and hips), and Frankly I need to step away from the “WEIGHT LOSS” mind set, and get my head on straight.  So I am eating whole foods, and exercising.  I’m going to be more intuitive.  For me this means when I go out for dinner, I will know that the Fried Chicken is not as good of a choice as the Grilled Tuna – This has actually never been an issue.  I have cravings but I am not an idiot.  I know which one is healthier.
  • With that, I’m also keeping a lot of things from the Paleo diet – I love my eggs and sausage or sweet potato in the morning.  Love Love Love.  I love the low to no carb dinners – ending the day with pr0tein and veggies has helped improve my sleep – I don’t get the gross full feeling, and my sugar doesn’t spike.  I also enjoy drinking my coffee black or with a little Almond Milk.
  • I LOVE ALMOND BUTTER.
  • I’m okay with taking the best parts of a diet and filling the gaps with living the way I want to, and that I can sustain.  I’m still lifting 3 days a week.  I’m still running 3 days a week.  I count my exercise as my biggest accomplishment.  I PR’d AT A RACE THIS PAST WEEKEND.  I am doing something right.
  • JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS IS COMING BACK TO TV AS DRACULA - a Collective Swoon… Sigh…. I love that man…. LOVE THAT MAN.
  • Angelina Jolie – Even though I have been pretty against you since you broke up my favorite couple, I have to say that what you did to be proactive with your health deserves applause.  You are strong, and you are a role model.  At least in this respect.
  1. What’s your eating plan?  Eat when hungry?  Eat all the things?  Eat only Green food?
  2. What’s your Workout Today?
  3. What are your opinions of Vampires?

 

Food For Thought Tuesday:

Monday Meaning

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What better way to start a Monday Post?

This weekend was great, because The Husband came home in the storm on Friday and I was able to finally get a good nights rest, without thinking someone was invading the house.  I was feeling pretty wretched all Friday so after failing my Praxis II, I came home and laid in bed for the rest of the day.

Saturday we ran errands, and strolled over to Reston to pick up my race packet for Sunday’s Mother’s Day 4 Miler.  Over the course of last week (and how bad it got) I really had lost motivation to run the race.  I honestly had no desire.

But that was a whole day away so I put it in the back of my mind and went to meet Adie and her boyfriend for dinner at Range. Oh my.  This place is amazing.  AMAZING.  I ate too much (no shocker there) and then still couldn’t believe how much more we didn’t try.  Like I want to go back and try there pizza.  MMMM.  I’m not remotely hungry (most likely still full from Saturday) but I could easily shove a pizza down my throat.

Jason’s Dessert – Dark Chocolate cake & Orange Sorbet with Earl Grey Tea Leaves

My Dessert – Tahitian vanilla Yogurt, Espresso Ice Cream, Salted caramel ice cream

Yes, I am a fatty when it comes to dessert.

We bid them farewell, and settled into our drive home from Bethesda Maryland and I did everything in my power to remain awake, but I am sure I lulled into a food come at some point.  We came home, watched last weeks episode of Game of Thrones to prepare us for this weeks, and then went to bed.

Woke up Sunday and begged the Husband to tell me it was okay for me not to go to the race.  He wouldn’t.  He said it was my decision, and I immediately felt the guilt.  I got up and raced around taking care of the dogs, and while the husband was getting ready I got back into bed.  I closed my eyes and drifted for 15 minutes and then woke up feeling a little less pathetic.

I wasn’t hungry, thanks to the previous night, so I simply took some water and then we were off.

Fake Enthusiasm.

When we got there, it was 5 minutes to gun time.  There is something nice about getting there a bit later, and not having to wait around FOREVER for the race to start.  And I was off!

I eased around the hills better than I remember from last year, but I had no idea how fast I was going because my GPS couldn’t connect to a satellite.  Stupid technology.  So I was “running blind” and pretty much winged my walk breaks.  I passed mile marker 1, and then 2 came up even quicker.  Heh.  Half way done already.  Down a hill and up a slight incline and I was past mile 3.  I texted the Husband while running to say that I had just passed mile 3 and he wrote back that I was making great time and if I kept it up I would most likely PR.

When I say the text I had 0.25 miles left, I thought I had gone too slow, since I hadn’t seen his response for 0.75 miles.  So I told myself, “You can vomit at the finish line.  Everything you have goes into this.”  I jumped into a sprint.  Well a Sprint for me.  I was most likely clocking in somewhere between 6.7 – 7.5 mph.  I saw the finish line, and everything was screaming at me.  I couldn’t hear anything.  My hear twas in my hearts, and it hurt.

Via PR Running Flickr page

Via PR Running Flickr page

I crossed the finish line at a Gun Time of 40’00″ even.  I had no idea when I crossed the start line, so I couldn’t figure out what my time was.  With in the hour (just before 10:00am) they posted the results.

Chip Time – 39’38″.

I shaved basically 4 minutes off my time from the previous year.

Blatant Happiness

From here we went home, I showered and changed and then we headed to Dunkin Donuts for Bagels and coffee.  We spent the afternoon with my family at Bull Run Winery and then the evening at the Husband’s parents house.  We finally got home around 9:15pm, watched Game of Thrones and then passed out in bed.

It was a short weekend, because of how busy we were, but it was a great weekend.

Today I start Stage 3 of NROLFW – So Look for a possible Vlog later about how that went.

Just a Little Bit of a Runny Egg

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  • I have fallen in love with my breakfast.  1/2  a baked sweet potato with 2 runny eggs on top.  It’s delish.  I would have taken  a picture, but I never leave time for that when they are done as they seem to apparate into my belly very quickly.
  • I tried a new protein powder this morning in my smoothie – 1 banana, 1 cup of frozen strawberries and almond milk with Optimal Nutrition Chocolate Flavored Whey.  I was told by some of the women on the NROLFW board on facebook that it was good and they all liked it, so I gave it a go.  Trutein and I have been friends, but I am kind of over their flavors, and their price.  I have a bit of stomach discomfort – which usually happens when I try a new protein powder, but it’s ok.  At least as long as it goes away after a few uses.
  • I’m double tracking on two calorie sites because I need the extra motivation.  I know that food/tracking is my downfall.  I have the workouts down.  I love to sweat and feel better when I do, so I tend to exercise as much as possible (about 6 days a week now).  This past week looked like:
    • Friday May 3 – NROLFW Stg 2 A3 & 2 Mile Run – 533 Calories
    • Saturday May 4 – 4 Mile Run – 592 Calories
    • Sunday May 5 – 3 Mile Run – 477 Calories
    • Monday May 6 – NROLFW Stg 2 B3 & 2 Miles of HIIT running – 431 Calories
    • Tuesday May 7 – 35 Minutes Running – 479 Calories
    • Wednesday May 8 – NROLFW Stg 2 A4 & 30 Minutes of HIIT Running & 1 mile incline walk – 552 Calories
    • Thursday May 9 – REST DAY
  • So in all I burned: 3064 Calories.  I most likely ate that much extra and more this week, but I am not weighing myself, so I won’t see that cursed number.  I know I’m pretty much maintaining my size right now, because nothing feels looser – in fact some clothes feel tighter.  But I am also sure I am bloated.  I still feel sick from my sugar binge yesterday.
  • Oh yeah I binged.  Wanna hear what I binged on?
    • 2 Homemade Chocolate Chip cookes
    • 2 fun size snickers bars
    • 3 fun size 3 Musketeers bars
    • 1 Apple Cinnamon Nutrigrain bar
    • 1 bag of M&Ms
  • I ate all of these in one sitting in a bathroom at work, while I cried.  Bipolar Disorder sucks y’all.  If you don’t have it you don’t understand.  That was self medicating so I didn’t go ape shit crazy and do something really dumb – like drive to Tampa because I miss my husband (the thought crossed my mind more than once this week).  But I called my “Bi-Polar Buddy” (a free counselor I found through an online network that I call when things get bad) and he talked me through it.  We both agreed that I need to go back to my doctor.  So I am making an appointment for next week.  We also agreed that I need more positive people in my life.  So anyone want to move in with me and be my bright ray of sunshine?  Seriously.  You can’t have any problems that you expect me to deal with, because I can’t deal with my own. :-)
  • The binge continued with toast and peanut butter last night, but as I went to bed, feeling particularly gross and stuffed, I realized I didn’t want to do this anymore.  I am not ‘starting over’ I am simply moving on.  Clean eating and water like it’s my job from now on.  I don’t even want cheese.  I just want ice on a stick.
  • The Husband Comes Home Tomorrow!  I have laundry and some light cleaning to do that I will get to tomorrow after my Praxis II exam, and then hopefully have enough time to just relax before Dinner with a Friend.  I am planning on waking up at 5:30 tomorrow and getting my workout done, so I can work from home in the morning and then head to my exam without having anything else on my mind.  Plus the workout is just NROLFW and HIIT so I should finish it in like 40 minutes.

What workout are you doing today?  Or is it a rest day?

Sweet or Salty Snacks?

Are you happy it’s almost Friday?

Food For Thought Thursday:

Face It Friday – Paleo Week 5

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I’m really falling into the rut of “Is this working?”  I’m sure it is, deep down, and my surface has just yet to catch up.  Kind of like my acne medication.  I am sure it’s working but I have yet to reap the full benefits.

Speaking of Crazy, So I am now obsessed with Facebook games:  Farm Heroes, Candy Crush, and Pet Rescue.  Send help.  I am literally playing them whenever I can.

Candy Crush. Currently Locked Out because I lost too many times.

Candy Crush. Currently Locked Out because I lost too many times.

Luckily I have to take breaks, like when I lose too much and am locked out, or like when I have to study, workout, or do my job.

This weekend is pretty laid back with not much planned.  Tonight is dinner out with Lisa to congratulate her for finalizing her move to Sweden in July!  Tomorrow is most like a run in the morning while the Husband mows the lawn, and then who knows – Mother’s Day Shopping?  I’m done with my mom, but I am sure he needs to do some more shopping for her.

Might even stop at some used equipment places looking for a Barbell.  Who knows!

Sunday is my nephews 6 Birthday.  HOLY CRAP WHEN DID HE GROW UP?  That means the Husband and I will have been married for 6 years this June.  HOLY CRAP.  How have we not killed each other yet?

Then I am putting my husband on a plane and sending him to Floirda for work.  Lucky Duck.  I know he’ll be busy the entire time, but still, the idea of going anywhere at this point, even for work, sounds better than just being here.

Next week is my last week of the Spring Semester, and I am expecting A’s in both classes.  I BETTER GET THEM.  I’m about half way through one of the books for one of my summer classes, and even though it’s young adult, I really like it.

Sherman Alexie

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie is about a kid who grows up on a reservation with his alcoholic parents, his older sister, and his one friend who comes from an abusive home.  His family is dirt poor, but with the motivation and encouragement from a teacher, he leaves the “Rez” for his schooling at a racist and white high school about 22 miles away.  So far I am really enjoying it, and I’m already brainstorming ways to teach this book if it is offered to me.

I also found out that Fairfax uses “The Fault in Our Stars” as summer reading for their 9th grade class.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

I had a bit of a meltdown last night that carried into this morning.  I am trying desperately to be positive, about everything, but alas my mental issues are catching up with me.  Since being diagnosed with first Depression, and then Bipolar Disorder a while back I have been on and off medication probably since I was 13.  While this is never what anyone should do with a diagnosed mental illness, it was my choice to go off medication because I couldn’t feel on it.  It wasn’t like I wasn’t myself, I just wasn’t anyone.  Since then I have tried many different forms of medication, but I haven’t been seeing a therapist or a licensed Psychiatrist, so my medication decisions have come from my primary care physician, which would be fine, but she is simply “trying things” out instead of looking at the root problems – which is fine, because that’s not her job to be my therapist.

So I am going to do some research and look into finding a doctor who can help, and get me back on track.  I think that could be a big reason why nothing in my head seems to fit together right and I can’t seem to find joy in much these days.

Wow that was deep.  And Heavy.. Sorry for that on a Friday!

So Today’s Plan:

  • Breakfast: 2 Eggs, 1/2 sweet potato, 2 sausage links, coffee, smoothie
  • Lunch: Chipotle Power Salad – lettuce, Chicken, veggies, Milk/Med salsa, Guacamole
  • Snack: Banana, apple, or almonds
  • Dinner: Big Bowl – Chicken Stirfry with Ginger Soy sauce (no rice) 1 Beer
  • Snack: Gelato (may be)

Activity: NROLFW Stage 2 A3 & 2-3 Miles on the treadmill

 

Food For Thought Friday:

Wednesday Possibilities – National Runner Month #RunHappyIs @BrooksRunning

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#RunHappy

#RunHappy

Have you experienced this?  I didn’t think it was true, but man, after my Half Marathon (March 2012), I had one beer, and was like blitzed.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was like “But, it was just one?  and I ate stuff.”  My body was experiencing alcohol for the first time it seemed.  I felt like and after school special actress showing children why drinking is bad, and you should just enjoy running.

#RunHappy

#RunHappy

I was always an outcast or a loser in high school, and pretty much through college.  I didn’t get beat up, because I am female, but I had fair weather friends through out both phases in my life, and never quite felt like I belonged to any group, or anyone.  It wasn’t until I laced up running shoes and started running that I found my family.  I am welcomed and encouraged at each event, and even have been told that I inspired people post race.  This one woman at this years Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon told me my race shirt got her through the last mile.  She was going to walk it, until she saw me pass her.

(on the back of the shirt it says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” – it’s from Team 413)

I never felt like I could be part of a community like this, that is so large.  A smile and a wave to other runners while I am in my neighborhood.  A high five to the girls from the summer Lemonade stand that saved me that one year when I ran out of water.  The woman at the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 5K who is holding a sign that simply says “Thank You.”

I feel sorry for people who don’t have a family as large as mine, but I’d be more than happy to welcome them if they care to join.

#Runhappy

#Runhappy

PACE BE DAMNED.  I am not planning on winning any races.  I am not even planning on qualifying for races that need qualifying times.  I am only planning on finishing, and finishing with a smile on my face.  I don’t care if you can run 4’58″ minute miles.  THAT’S AWESOME FOR YOU.  Go to the Olympics and make your mom, country, coach proud.  For me, it’s about the moments where it’s me and the road.  I have my music, but that fades into the background and I can just beat peace as my feet hit the ground.  Yeah people pass me.  Old people pass me.  Pregnant women pass me.  Children pass me.  That guy in DC with one leg who does the half marathon every year, PASSED ME.  I don’t care.  I’m good where I’m at.

**Side bar… Just because I am okay with my pace doesn’t mean I enjoy being called a Penguin – a term commonly used by snooty runners in reference to slower runners – it takes a lot more guts to register and run a race with a slower pace knowing you will have to walk, than it does when you are elite and run like it’s your job.  Be kind to all paced runners.  We all have feelings.**

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It’s National Runner Month and Brooks has this handy little hashtag called #RunHappyIs and you can fill in your own statement and personalize it for your own blog, twitter, whatever, as your run happy mantra!

Go to http://is.runhappy.com and personalize your own!

** I am not affiliated with Brooks Running in any way other than I use their products, love their Ghost 5′s in Pink and would be grateful to be an ambassador for them some day (hint hint) **

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Today’s Plan:

  • Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1/2 sweet potato, Coffee, smoothie
  • Snack: LaraBar
  • Lunch: Quinoa, Ground Turkey & Tomato Sauce, Apple with almond butter, carrots
  • Snack: Almonds
  • Dinner: Chicken Stir Fry with Asian Slaw
  • Activity: NROLFW Stg 2 B2 (intervals included in workout)

I have an appointment this afternoon, so I get to leave work early and then I’ll be home to workout.  I woke up at 5:00am to workout but couldn’t drag myself out of bed, so I stayed there for another hour, contemplating my failure to rise early.  I figure once I am between a rock and hard place with my workouts this summer, I’ll get up easier, but for now, with the option of afternoon workouts, I am pretty set in my ways of sleeping till I have to get up to get ready for work.

I need motivation.  I am lacking in the morning motivation department.

Day 1/31 – No Weighing In and No Buying Stuff for myself

May Goals

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I haven’t done monthly goals in a while, so I figured with the new month of May, I’d pick it up again.

  • Keep up with NROLFW: I can’t lose momentum on this, because I know the changes are coming and I want to see them.  I want them to happen, so I can’t give up now.  I am thinking of adding one more day of strength training into my week (I’m only doing it twice a week now) to practice moves that I need help on – Bulgarian Split Squats (Damn Bulgaria being strong in the leg department and inflicting my week hips on these), Planks (I can hold them, but my form suffers for the last 25% of the time), Deadlifts (I am using dumbbells because I don’t have a barbell, and it’s harder I’m convinced to do it this way), Shoulder Presses (I have little weak arms).

Source – This is me, completely.

  • No Shopping for Myself (except for necessities like food): I need to save money for Grad School, so this is a no brainer.  No buying clothes, no buying books, no buying anything outside the realm of need.  This will be tough.  I buy things too much but it’s something that I do so much, it will be odd to not buy something randomly.  This makes me sound horrible, because it’s not like I sit at work and just shop shop shop and spend all of my husbands hard earned money on crap, because that is only part of the time.  I just randomly see something that I think it pretty or shiny, and then I buy it, and ultimately end up returning it.  It’s not having things that excites me, it’s buying them.
  • No Weighing In.  No I’m not crazy.  I am going to hide the scale or have The Husband do it, for the entire month of May.  I will weigh in June 1, to see where I stand, but I am not going to be a slave to the device.  This is a great way to transition to tracking health in different ways.  We’ll see how it works.  It will cause me to look at different things like the way my clothes fit, and inches lost as successes, which is something I have always struggled with.  I’m actually excited about this.
  • Stopping the Negativity. I am very self deprecating.  If you have ever interacted with me, or frankly read this blog on one of my “I can’t do this ever” days, then you know how hard and harsh I can be on myself.  For the month of May, whenever I get to that point, I am going to write down on a piece of paper what is wrong and then crumple it up and throw it away.  It does more good being in the trash than being in my mind.  I didn’t gain this weight over night.  It took the first 25 years of my life to get to where I was.  I promise it won’t take the next 25 to get rid of it, but as someone who has never been thin, or fit, or comfortable in their own skin (ever) it’s hard to see the finish line.  I’m in mile 9 of a half marathon, where my legs hurt, my mind is filled with doubt, and I want to quit.  Instead of quitting I need to look to the side lines and see that little kid giving all the runners high fives (I always make sure to high five ALL OF THE KIDS – Because what better cheerleaders are there?) and the woman holding the sign that is cheering me on though she doesn’t know me.
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Source

I am a 3 time half marathoner.  I know to some people who read this blog that may seem like not much (you crazy ultra runners) but to others it’s amazing.  to people who say I’ve inspired them?  Me?  I can’t even inspire myself, but they are out trying running or NROLFW or some other crazy workout thing or diet I’ve started, because they saw a blog post about it?  How can I have room for negativity, when I am so incredibly humbled by that very fact?

May symbolizes, to me, new growth.  It’s the full bout of spring in bloom, with warmer days and nights, and my allergies will stop being such a bitch, and this year we’ll be inundated with Cicadas and that plague, but mostly, it will be about growth.  Growing from what I am now.

I am 28 years old.  I have a goal to my best self by 30.  I don’t want to enter the new phase of my life next year of changing careers, and decades of age, with this mentality.  I know I have to change my mind to change my body, so that is hopefully what I am going to do this month.

What are your goals for May?  Have you ever run a race of any distance?  What is your favorite Race sign?