Yeah this horribly late.
This was just… well… weird.
We had Single Date #1 with Clare Crawley, where he took her to a winter wonderland in LA. Yeah there was snow, they were sledding, and then of course there was a hot tub. Duh.
He blindfolded her while he drove to the date. She was all like “Where are we going???” just like you would be, right? I’d be like “Dude. No. I read 50 Shades. I don’t do this. Red Room of Pain? Not my Bag.” And he’d be all like “Como?”
They showed up and she was all like “OMG” and he just giggled. It was very innocent.
But, as these things go, it didn’t take long before his shirt was off, and they were in the hot tub and she was crying about her life. Her father passed (Which is sad, I’m not heartless) and he sat with complete attention on her while she cried and talked about it. At least she is a pretty crier.
Then of course they made out.
The music started playing and some guy name Josh Krajcik – WHO OF COURSE THEY BOTH KNEW AND WERE BIG FANS OF – was in a corner of the wonderland and they started slow dancing in their bathing suits in the snow.
“This is a fairy tale” was uttered more than once, and barf.
She of course, got the rose.
Single Date #2 with Kat – You know what I love doing on a first date? Running. I love being getting to know someone when I am sweating profusely, cursing at my legs, and constantly heaving. That’s totally my bag. Unlike 50 Shades.
He flew Kat to Utah to do the Electric Run. Like ABC couldn’t have had one happen in LA at the same time. NOPE, gotta use that private jet that they JUST HAD TO HAVE. So they ran the 5k – which took all of like 6 minutes (World Record guys) – and then there was a big party afterward, because that’s what you get at the end of a Bachelor race. At the end of my half marathons I get watered down Gatorade, and Michelob Ultra to BUY, and possibly half a stale bagel, but these people, they get a damn party.
Nothing but the best for our Juan.
Despite the public nature of their date, they ended up dancing like two 14 year old’s at a high school dance without much supervision, and then making out like bandits. She, of course, got the rose.
The (dreaded) group date: So I’m all for charity that has to do with Dogs. ALL FOR IT. These girls had to dress up and pose for a calendar that would benefit the Best Friends Animal Rescue – which is working to rid the world of kill shelters (MY KIND OF PEOPLE), and all the dogs in the calendar are up for adoption (I’ll take all 12+, please). So the girls ranged from Being airbrushed with paint to look like their dogs, to wearing bikinis, to dressing up like a fire hydrant, to being completely naked. Yes, naked.
Best line from a blog I found “By the way, Lucy “Free Spirit” Aragon offered to trade outfits with Elise, thereby robbing her of a chance to see Juan Pablo’s man parts. This is what happens when you refuse to appear naked on national television, girl.” (Source of line and all pictures)
Kelly – the dog lover – got the rose on this date (She is the one airbrushed to look like a brown and white spotted creature).
Now here comes the real DRAMZ.
So Victoria – a 24(?) year old wanna be stepmom to Juan Pablo’s 5 year old decided at the end of the group date where they are all chilling and drinking in dresses or bathing suits (because duh there is a pool and hot tub everywhere you go on this adventure with Juan), to get BLITZED. That’s what I would do, frankly, because Open Bar.
Because she didn’t get to spend one on one time with him – yet – she decided there was no point to be normal ever again, and she started strutting around like a crazy person and then decided to say she was leaving. She threw on her cover up and that was that. She started assaulting the Producers and screaming “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE” no that’s not right… “I WANNA GO HOME” and then locked herself in a bathroom stall, where one of the resident mothers decided to try and take care of her, where everyone else was like “Hah no. What if he comes looking for me?”
So Juany-Poo tried to go and talk to her, and she was like ‘SOB SOB SOB’ so he left. The next morning he came to talk to her, she apologized, and then he said “Yeah, you need to go” (Not an exact quote).
At the rose ceremony he also kicked off Amy Long and Chantel Forrest (WHO WAS JUST SHOCKED) – girl you had like 5 seconds on camera.
I can’t wait to see what happens tonight on The Bachelor! (8:00 pm ET/PT on ABC)