Welcome to St. Lucia!
To start off, I would love to go here. I am not sure why this place is at the top of my list over other similar locations, but it is. I think it must be the name.
So it’s Fantasy Suite Day! Pretty much Juan Pablo gets to have a one on one date with the last three ladies and then take them to the Fantasy Suite, which is basically a closed off hotel room with a bed and not much else. I’ve always wondered if it the same fantasy suite for every date, because that would be cheaper to only rent one room.
Also, if they don’t use the suite, do they still have to pay for it? Just trying to save the show some money here, people.
After Renee was booted last night (last week? Time means nothing on this show) I was sure that the next person to win Juany-Poo’s heart was Andi. She is the only sane one left, and the only one who seems to have her ish together. I mean yes, the other two are employed and seem somewhat stable in their pre-bachelor interviews, but since then, I’ve gotten whip lash from their mood swings.
I also think Clare’s crazy eyes are getting crazier and crazier, and I’m starting to fear for Juan Pablo’s life.
Credit: ABC (Edits: BeBe)
So the Fantasy Suites – otherwise known as showing your entire family (and the free world) that you are in fact easy and have no morals. Too judgey? Whatever.
Apparently Juan Pablo thought frolicking in the water with Clare like 2 weeks ago was a horrible thing to do because he has a daughter, you know, but sleeping with 3 women in the span of like what, a day? That’s totally fine.
So Clare wanted JP to know that “It matters to me that it matters to you,” or something. She never makes sense. What follows next is a conversation each of them are having, but not with each other, because it’s obvious neither of them are listening to the other’s responses. This is mostly because JP is trying to get into her sundress, and Clare is trying to portray a non-trashy, mature role model. Because she wants to be a step mother y’all.
Later JP tells us that after making out in the pool they simply sat on opposite sides of the bed and talked – because that’s the PG logical next step. Not the naked showering or sexy time we all, as Americans, know they had.
Next Andi gets her shot with Juan Pablo. They have their daytime date playing Soccer with local kids – because you know he used to be a pro player in this sport… oh I’m sorry FOOTBALL – and then they made out under a water fall. Pretty much a normal date. Andi is so happy. She is so in love! She’s on Cloud 10! Cloud 9 ain’t got nothing on her!
Juan Pablo then asks her a great question – given that she has already announced that she is in love, and there is no one else for her, he wants to know if it is forced. She is like “WHAAAA?” How could it be forced! Heck no! You can’t do that when he has a kid.. what’s her name? Camelia? Yeah that kid.
So it’s to the Fantasy Suite… fade to black… Which is where the nightmare begins.
“The next day, Juan Pablo is over the moon! He had a wonderful time with Andi! They talked and laughed and really, really connected!
Ahem. He really, really connected, apparently with himself. According to Andi, he never showed an interest in her. He only talked about himself. He name dropped. He was a big, Hollywood asshat. And worst of all, he talked about the awesome time he already had in the Fantasy Suite with Clare.
At this point, I’m thinking Andi has finally uncovered the true Juan Pablo, a hot Latino void who’s just looking to extend his fifteen minutes. I’m not saying that assessment is necessarily wrong, but it isn’t until Juan Pablo and Andi talk again that I have to question the source.” - Another source – Hitfix.com – said it better than I could.
Before they talk again, he hooks it up with Nikki who has the personality of a vengeful table. She tells him she is desperately in love with him and he kisses her to shut her up. He can’t wait for her to see the ‘real him’. Gag.
So Juan Pablo thinks he’s got it made. He has three women who are somewhat attractive falling over themselves for him, and life is good…. Enter Andi. Oh crap.
You think that she is simply going to be mature and go find a man the normal way (like online, or in a bar) and move on with her life, right?
Well since Andi is actually just as crazy as the other girls (queue me again thinking Renee was the only sane person after week 4 to be around) she starts in on Juan Pablo.
- She doesn’t feel a connection – reasonable
Then we find out Andi is actually angry. ”It’s crazy to think how little he knows about me at this point!” Well you didn’t get a one on one till like 3 days ago… so. JP is obviously confused because she isn’t speaking Spanish, and he is wondering why
she slept with him didn’t tell him this during the Fantasy Night. Seems Legit. So he’s willing to let her go without discussion, but now she wants to talk about their relationship… Oh geez. You know when someone says that, it’s gonna be annoying.
He’s just not that into you, girl.
Then she drops the bomb “You told me I was the default choice after Renee!” I’m sorry, what? How did we not catch this on camera? There is some high school bickering and JP gets a bit irritated. He said he was trying to be honest with her, and she starts in again being all weird and defining honesty with curse words. Well that is how I would do it.. O_o
Andi could have stopped like 20 minutes ago and I would have still thought her to be sane, but she went for the lunatic award.
She sulks off to the car, and JP is like “Whoa, dodged that bullet.” Then even though SHE LEFT OF HER ON VOLITION she cries in the car… ‘Are my standards too high?’ I don’t know hun, but you were In Love up to this point and then went all bat crap crazy.
So Insane and Delusional are left as the final two (Nikki and Clare). But really, who cares who he picks, amiright? They are both on the same level, and now it just comes down to age.
I’m going to predict he chooses his ex, Camelia’s mom. I think he’s going to just be like “Adios!” (Because that is Spanish for Goodbye) to the two crazies and go back with the woman HE SHOULD BE WITH.
I can’t wait to see the blood bath of next week!