I’m Accepting Things


Last night with the amounting stress of not being able to get the New iPhone 5s, my husband and I were forced to drive home from Tysons Corner Mall empty handed.  For whatever asinine reason this kind of set me off.  I’m not saying that I am actually stressed about this, but it was a glimmer of something to look forward to this afternoon and it didn’t happen.

We were sitting on the couch watching the new SVU episodes, and I just turned to Jason and said “I feel like I have no control.”

That is what it has felt like.  It is as if everything I am doing is for nothing.  All the studying, the preparing, the running, the attempt at eating healthy, everything.  It’s getting me nowhere.

He simply said to me “But you do have control.  That is all you have.”

He was, and usually is, right.

I have to accept things as they are if I ever plan on moving forward.  I have to accept what will happen if I don’t pass this exam, and I have to be okay with it.  So this is what will happen in list form if I don’t pass:

  • I can’t start my student teaching until Fall 2014
  • I will have to remain at this job until late August of 2014
  • I will be able to take classes next semester towards my Masters – they will just be electives
  • I will be able to save more money up in order to help when I do leave my current position
  •  I will have more time to adequately prepare for my exam which I can then take again in December 2013

That list isn’t so scary, right?  I mean, yes, I had plans to quit.  I had plans of being employed in my new career in fall of 2014.   I HAD PLANS.  But that’s the problem.  They were my plans.

I spent a good portion of last night praying after Jason had fallen asleep and simply asked God if I am working on his timetable.  If not, could he please put me on it.  I asked for peace with whatever type of path it is, and I asked for comfort in knowing that if this all gets delayed (in my mind, right on time in his) that I will not find myself as a failure.  I think that is my biggest problem right now.  I am terrified of this somehow making me a loser or a failure if I don’t follow some arbitrary plan I have for myself.  It will mean I don’t progress with my current program group, and while that is sad, it’s not the end of the world.  I can live vicariously through them, still meet them for drinks, and still hang out, and get there insider info.

I have to accept some other things too:

  1. I’m never going to get where I want to be with my weight until I accept myself as I am now.  It’s difficult, and daunting, but I have to love myself as I am in order to want change.  Hating yourself makes this whole eating healthy and working out thing seem like punishment or a chore. It makes everything seem like work, and no one likes work.
  2. I can not have certain things in the house no matter how much I tell myself at the grocery store, that I can exercise restraint.  Nope, I can’t.  I can’t have cereal, ice cream, desserts, pretzels, etc.  I have to get this through my head.
  3. I SPEND WAY TOO MUCH MONEY.  I need to stop doing this because frankly it’s just stressing me out more, and making things harder on Jason.
  4. Being Self Deprecating is only cute for a while – then you just become annoying.  I have crossed the threshold into annoying, and it happened a long time ago.

There are many more things, I am sure, but right now these are at the top of my list.  I am going to work on making these a reality in my life, and only then will I be able to change.

xoxoxoxox

Finding the Words


I go to a psychiatrist.  I am trying to go back to therapy.  I find that attaining the right, perfect for you therapist, is harder than finding that person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Realizing Jason was the one, was one of the easiest things I have ever done.  Keeping our marriage strong and intact, is work, and it’s hard, but it’s worth it.

Finding a therapist on the other hand is EXCEPTIONALLY difficult.  For me to be able to be that open.  That naked.  That vulnerable – with someone I am also paying?  It’s not easy.

I’ve talked with about 4 in the past two weeks on the phone.  None of them seem right.  Either their voice is annoying, their hours suck, or they want me to chant.

I don’t chant.

I don’t care if it will solve all of my problems.  I can’t take it seriously.  Sorry to those of you that chant, and chant often.  It’s just not for me.

I had a monumental disaster of a day yesterday food wise.  I was eating for comfort – and it was bad.  I am stressed about so much right now, it’s literally making me sick.  I can’t tell you how many times yesterday when I was woofing down food like a hippo in the Hungry Hungry Hippo game that I felt nauseated, and gross.  There was a point where I had eaten so much crap, I was sweating.  I couldn’t keep my body upright because the surge of sugar crap that I haven’t eaten in ages was being fought by my body.

Today is a new day.

I am going to run this afternoon and I have a great dinner planned.  I am trying not to focus on what I think other people are thinking of me, but when I look at my own self, my own life, and I see how incredibly fucked up it is in my head, I can’t help but think that everyone else is thinking the same thing.  Or worse.

I need to stop caring what everyone thinks, because they don’t wake up as me everyday.  I know I have it great by pretty much every standard out there.  I am employed, I am in school, I have a great husband and family, two amazing dogs, quality friends, and a house.  I am in relatively low debt considering how much I shop randomly, and I am loved.

I find joy in these things, I am not ungrateful.

It’s just the joy chips away when the newness wears off.  I have that sad cloud over me pretty much 95% of the time.  I wake up in the middle of the night, sad, and then go into the bathroom to cry so I don’t wake up Jason.  I’ll cuddle up with one of my dogs on the floor just to feel something next to me (Jason gets really overheated when he sleeps, and he snores, so I stay away from him mostly – still love you!).

I have relentless stressed filled dreams from dying to failing at the Praxis II again – and everything in between.

That’s where my head is at this moment.

xoxoxo

p.s. to the Giveaway winner – I swear I am going to stop at the Post Office to drop off the box.  I’ve just not been really capable of functioning lately.

Tuesday Things


Oh it’s fall.  It’s gorgeous out.  It’s the perfect amount of cool, and crisp, where I can snuggle in my boots and my sweater and let me hair go naturally curly without the worry of frizz.

It’s also when my eating goes crazy.

I had a doughnut the size of my head this morning.  If anyone has any idea how big that is, you are feeling just as sick as I do now.  So to take my mind off of my now gross stomach, and the fact that I feel like my body is falling apart, I have decided to do some “Online Window Shopping” Tuesday Things Edition:

This coat is gorgeous.  I love the color, the cuff detail, everything.  I am not sure how thick it is, or how warm it would be, but I am sure with normal winter clothes underneath it would be great for the temperatures of my region (Washington DC area) – most likely not warm enough for like Stockholm Sweden or anything :-)

It’s very functional in it’s cut, and with pearls and high heels, it would work great for a office holiday party on the more casually dressed side.  I love the color, and the quilted pattern.  The belled out sleeves are a beautiful touch as well.

I am loving all the Cobalt Blue everywhere this season.  It’s always been one of my favorite colors, but I only seem to own it in dress or shirt form.  I would love these shoes, I think they would look great with a grey skirt and bold colored blouse!

On the more casual comfy side, who wouldn’t love this cable knit sweater?  I can see the breath in the air, long scarves, hot cocoa in mugs, and the pink on my nose now.  Oh the longing of winter is heavy on my shoulder.  I miss snow, and this sweater reminds me of that cold smell.

Yes, I know I just got my first pair of Hunter Rain Boots, but now I am kind of obsessed, and want them in almost every color, material, etc.  I love these.  I love the pink – it adds a fun element.  They would be great with a pair of leggings and over sized bright sweater!

Simply cute, and pretty much could be rocked at a formal event or everyday.  You be the judge.

While all of these would be amazing additions to my closet, I am broker than broke, so I will be buying none of them.  I will simply look from afar, and smile knowing there are women out there rocking each of these items, and looking stellar in them.

I will be mostly rocking these for the rest of my life, as my mind doesn’t seem to understand the idea of healthy eating and losing weight, means no doughnuts.  Especially after you’ve had one, don’t go looking for seconds.  *stomach grumble/Mental negativity*

Workout Recap: September 9 – September 15


WAHOOO Another Week of Training down! 21 Days till the Half Marathon!

Monday September 9 – 4 Mile Run – 42’30” (471 calories)

It was a good run! I thought about just making it 5 miles but, I’m trying to not burn out. My legs thanked me. My mind and body are tired so this is what I call giving myself a break.  I felt good throughout, and wore my second new pair of Brooks Ghost 5s – I was told once by another running to buy two pairs of running shoes so you can switch them out periodically so they wear evenly and then they last longer.  I will see if this is in fact true!

Tuesday September 10 – Strength Training & HIIT (1 -2 Miles) – Upper Body / Abs (227 Calories)

3 Sets of 12 Reps:

  • Shoulder Press
  • Crunches
  • Tricep Dips
  • Reverse Crunches
  • Side Lateral Raise
  • Back Extension
  • Single Arm Row (Each Side)
  • 20 Minutes of HIIT

It was really nice to lift again.  Oh it was nice.  I was to tired to lift a camera to my face for an after workout picture, so I simply just took one of me overly excited at school:

EDUCATION!

EDUCATION!

Wednesday September 11 – 5 Mile Run – 52’57” –  (588 Calories)

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So I decided I would run outside on the hottest day of the week.  Go me.  After 2.3 miles I was like “NOPE.  DONE.”  So I turned around to head home (which was about 1/2 a mile away at this point if I cut through a side street) and then something happened.  Something inside of me was like “EFF THIS.” I reached down and pulled my tank top off that was glued to my skin with sweat.  I ran the last 1/2 mile home in my sports bra and capris.  THIS NEVER HAS EVER HAPPENED.  I don’t even let Jason watch me run on the treadmill when I take my tank top off.  I make him leave.  I really do. I finished up the last 2.2 miles at home on the treadmill with Grey’s Anatomy.  I decided to reward myself with this:

Pimm's and Ginger Ale

Pimm’s and Ginger Ale

Thursday September 12 – Rest Day

I went back and forth on whether or not this would be a rest day – but after I charted out my runs for the rest of the month, I decided yes.  I am running 11 miles tomorrow – WHICH I AM GOING OUTSIDE FOR – so I figure resting today can’t hurt.  Plus this means I can go home and blow out my hair and continue to read the smut I bought on my Kindle.  Yes that’s right.  I am finally reading 50 Shades of Grey.  I’m 9 chapters in and I am like embarrassed.  I’m also really confused as to how they are going to make this into a movie that you can go and see in public… like with other people.  This seems like the type of story that should be, like under the counter of some Video Connection that you have to have a passcode for. *shivers*

Friday September 13 – 11 Mile Run – 1:57:01 – (1169 Calories)

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This was a hard run.  It’s my fault.  I did it on the treadmill because the anxiety of trying to find 11 miles on non-repeatable streets in my neighborhood proved daunting.  Plus the fact that it was a weird day in that I only got 4 hours of sleep, and I wanted so desperately to nap more than anything else I figured if I got to the point of where I couldn’t finish on the treadmill I could stop.  I was yelling at the treadmill as the distance mounted.  I never ran 11 miles for training for a half before.  It’s making me second guess my 12 miler this Friday.  Thoughts?  Should I scale back this week?  Next week is the 10 miler race and then it’s the half – so i am in the 3 week time period at this point.  Is that a taper time period?  I have no idea.  I just run.  I don’t follow adequate training plans that make sense.

Saturday September 14 – Rest Day

Bubble & Sqeak

Bubble & Squeak

I ate this on my rest day.  It was glorious.  It was positively the most delicious breakfast I have ever encountered.  I want it always.  More than always.  I want it to be constantly fed into my body.  It was food porn at it’s best.

Oh Look, my hair isn't always sweaty and in a bun

Oh Look, my hair isn’t always sweaty and in a bun

I tried a blow out tutorial for my hair, and I obviously need more practice.  Boy is it getting long…

Sunday September 15 – Strength Training & HIIT (1-2 Miles) – Lower Body (371 Calories)

I'm screaming on the inside

I’m screaming on the inside

3 Sets of 12 Reps:

  • Squats
  • Backwards Lunge (Each Side)
  • Jumping Jacks
  • Table to Donkey Kick (Each Side)
  • Deadlifts
  • 30 Second Wall Sit
  • Sumo Squats
  • 15 Minutes of HIIT

Stats:

  • Weekly Mileage: 22.9 Miles
  • Weekly Caloric Burn: 2881 Calories
  • September Mileage: 51.9/100 (51.9% to Goal!)
  • Yearly Mileage: 608 Miles

HAVE YOU ENTERED MY GIVEAWAY YET?  NO???? WHY THE HECK NOT? Giveaway Giveaway Giveaway

Current State Of Mind #1


One of my favorite blogs to read is one I found not too long ago – Olive To Run is inspirational, hilarious, and a really great read.  I always want to go run like 20 miles after reading one of her posts.  Today she posted her “Current State of Mind” and I decided to play along and fill out her little survey as well.

 

I feel… like I am starting over.  It’s as if every struggle from before is gone, erased, and I am left with this clean slate.  While daunting, and scary, I feel somewhat at peace.

I want… to focus on the important things, the stuff that matters, not the fluff, window dressing, and drama that seems to take up my time.

I need… to find joy in the people around me, not the things.  I need to center myself with those who care about me, and forget those who don’t.

I have… little to no patience, and I have to make this change.  I have to sit and know that in time things will work out as they should.

I am thankful for… My family, my friends, this blog, my job, my schooling, my legs for letting me run, the things in life I seem to forget when something goes wrong. Those things don’t go away, and I shouldn’t let the negativity shroud them.

I would like to… Give back everything that my parents, and my husband have given me.  Their support in every way is why I am here, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to them.

I dream about… How things will be when I am accepting of myself.

I prefer… to think of life as a weekend separated by work weeks.

I listen… not enough to God.  But I need to step back, shut up, and wait for his direction.

I appreciate… those quiet moments when I can stop thinking and just breathe it all in.

I know… that where I am now, is not where I will always be.  I know that with time, I will find my footing and my path and it will be glorious.

Can you believe it’s been 12 years since the 9/11 attacks?  I am still emotional about the subject, and this morning on the radio it seemed every station was playing some rendition of a sad song with clips intermixed from the news that day.  While I am sure I could fill an entire weeks worth of posts about how I felt, where I was, and the aftermath in my life, I’ve decided to simply state that I am proud to be an American.  Regardless of where politically you stand, we all stand under the same flag.  I am united in the thought that I am – as you are – lucky to be in this great land, and we are living in the best time of our history.  It might not seem as such with all of the negativity swirling around, but really, in comparison, we are not going backwards.  We are moving forward, and there will be more good days ahead.

I’m excited about my run this afternoon.  I am planning on 5 miles, and with the weather the way it is it will be on the treadmill.  I am just resigning myself to being a treadmill runner until it snows.  Okay, maybe not that long, but for a while at least.  Bring on Grey’s Season 3 on DVD!

It’s Wednesday and we are having Fish Tacos!  I am so excited about this.  SO SO SO excited about this.  I love me some fish tacos.  Just had to get that out there.

  • What are you doing today to be active?
  • Whats for dinner?
  • What’s your current state of mind?

Newsworthy:

24 Days till the Half Marathon!

Not Liking Yourself


I am guilty of being entirely negative about myself on a minute by minute basis.  I need (or at least I think I need) constant reassurance, and affirmation on myself in pretty much every aspect of life.  I know this is annoying to everyone who comes in contact with me, and I know it makes me hard to be around.  I sense my neediness is the number one reason why I didn’t have many friends in High School or College and why the few I did have are no longer in my life.  I get anxious when planning get together’s with people because I instantly feel uncomfortable walking out of my house, driving to a location, and then having to make conversation for a indefinite amount of time.

While I am outgoing, it’s all forced and awkward.  I have to tell myself to shut up at times because I know my topics are usually inappropriate or not interesting.

I find this happens a lot with my husbands coworkers.  We will be in a situation where I am ‘forced’ to converse and I bring up things like Credit Limits, or how I got alcohol poisoning on Jason’s 21st Birthday Weekend.

I feel awkward in 99% of clothes (the 1% being my PJs).  This summer My husband and I went to the beach, and I didn’t even get in the water because I was so self conscious about how I looked in my bathing suit.  I know that made him sad.  I know all he wanted was for me to be at ease and comfortable in one of his favorite places, but I couldn’t make myself.

I am 100% content being a shut in and watching TV or Movies and living vicariously through the other people in my life who are off gallivanting the world doing amazing, beautiful, amazing things.  I’m comfortable at home singing along to Sara Bareilles while thinking up story lines, and writing in my journals, this blog, or just on scrap paper.  The deck in my backyard is my largest venture out that I can still feel at ease in.

There are times where the anxiety builds so much, I come across as a selfish bitch that turns to her husband and says “I need to leave.”  I get the sweats, and shakes, and a headache.  Yesterday, at my Dad’s birthday dinner, I had chest pains through the majority of the outing because of the closeness of our group at the small table.  I was against the wall, and the screaming child behind me through 80% of the meal just became almost too much.

I can be okay, I can be safe, I can be in control in my house.

But I’m really not.  It’s obvious I am not.  This is why there are so many things we want to do, but we don’t.  I want to go to Africa next summer for a missions trip, and while now, with it millions of days away, I am at ease with the choice to go, I am thinking of the months leading up to it, and how flying across the Atlantic Ocean – Alone – will be terrifying.  How the irrational fears jump up inside me and that voice in my head – The one that sounds like Morgan Freeman (Because he narrates my life, even the bad parts) – says “Don’t do it.  You know better.  You leave these walls, you leave your shelter.”

So what do I do?

Do I go back to my doctor, and tell her the crazy pills she put me on aren’t working – in fact they have made me worse to the point of where I have stopped taking them completely, and now the paranoia, depression, and anxiety is crushing?

Do I just run more? and harder?

Do I wallow?

Jason wants me to go back to the doctor.  I think he is right, but at the same time taking those meds is like putting in ear plugs at a concert.  You can still hear the music, but it’s muffled  and the moment isn’t the same.  I don’t want to lose bits and pieces of myself because of this condition.

I barely slept last night – like I can tell you exactly every time I looked at the clock and I saw every hour of my sleepless night shown in red glowing numbers.  I barely slept knowing I would write this post, and all the people from my past that still read this blog to snicker, or write hateful, hurtful comments (which is why I approve every comment now, because I was deleting upwards of 10-15 a day from people.. I know who they are because they have IP addresses that give their secrets away), or those who tell other people in their lives how horrible I am, and then it gets back to my husband.

He is the real victim in this.  He wasn’t made privy to my carelessness for my own existence.  He wasn’t given the full scope of what he was legally binding himself to.  He says he doesn’t care, and that he loves me anyway, but I can see the draining tiredness in his eyes when I say – for the millionth time – I’m just sad.

So I am trying something new, today, in fact.

photoI love this shirt I am wearing.  It’s a great color, comfortable fabric, looks good with jeans or dress pants (and most likely a skirt too, but I’m covered in mosquito bites, so until tights can be worn, I’ll never know).  I think it fits me well, and judging by this forced smile in my picture, I like how I look in it.

I ran 10 miles on Friday.  10 miles.  Depending on who is reading this, 10 miles might be a warm up for you, or something you never think you will accomplish.  But I did it anyways.

I’m in my last semester before my internship starts in the Spring.  As long as I pass the Praxis II in October – I will be venturing into a new career – which is both terrifying and amazing at the same time.

Today is my Dad’s 61st Birthday.  He is truly a rock on which I lean a lot.  I need to remember his strength and faith when I forget my own.

I am loved, even if only by few, those people count – and in talent, personality, and character they outweigh the negative people that are no longer in my life.

It’s a process, one I am trying to get the hang of.

xox

Workout Recap : September 2 – September 8


Another week down!

Monday September 2 : 5 Mile Run – 53’06” (495 Calories)

I ran 5 miles on Sunday and this was more of a “I need to keep my mileage up” run, so I wasn’t aiming for speed – which is pretty much my mentality always and forever – I felt good through most of the run, towards the end my ankle started to complain but I stuck it out. Thank you Grey’s Anatomy!

Tuesday September 3 – REST DAY

So with the first day of schools being back in session, it took me FOREVER and a day to get to work this morning, meaning I can’t jet out early to get my workout done. I still have to go home and take care of the dogs, but with my lack of sleep last night the most I am going to do is wash my hair and blow it out before leaving for class tonight. I know I know. I could get in a quick workout, but when you need a rest day, you need a rest day. The rest of the week will be filled with running fun – because after one day of strength training I fell off that wagon again… After the half marathon, I’ll be more apt to abuse my body in that way, but for now, I gotta keep my mileage up.

Wednesday September 4 – 5 Mile Run – 52’45” (535 Calories)

This run was interesting. My legs felt like lead. I am not sure why they are feeling heavier as opposed to more efficient. But it could have just been a bad day, these things happen – they happen often – but it makes the really good runs REALLY GOOD.

Thursday September 5 – 3 Mile Shakeout Run – 30’56” (399 Calories)

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My legs felt pretty good during this run. I was just not feeling it. I got home and was like “NO. I DON’T WANT TO.” Then I realized that I just needed to put my shoes on. So I got dressed, got my shoes on, and then like a light switch I became a machine that just went through the motions, and then – it was done. Fancy how that works. I was drained by the time I got to class, and I think I yawned like 6 times in 2 minutes. I am sure my group felt great having me around, not really.

Friday September 6 – 10 Mile Run – 1:45:55 (1008 Calories)

IMG_3175

I effing did it. Wow, I forgot how long that took to accomplish. I need to be faster. If I was faster I would get it done quicker and then I’d not be running for so long. I’m sure that’s how the other runners are so happy, because they are faster so they don’t have to do it as long. It’s the longness that bothers me. But it’s all good. Next week will be amazing.

Saturday September 7 – Rest Day (Stretch, ice, hydrate)

I felt massive all day.  I hate how that happens on rest days.  I hate how I feel like I am automatically back at my starting weight 6 years ago just because I take a day off.  I am also hitting that point in the month that every girl loathes, so that is not helping.  BUT I must say my day – food wise – could have been worse.

Sunday September 8 – Strength & 1 mile Run (341 calories)

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Oh between the hangover and my body just not wanting to run, this is the best I could do!  I wanted to run, but I also didn’t.  I think I am hitting that point where I am getting burned out.  So I decided to strength train instead of forcing myself to run, and it helped so much.  I also miss strength training. So I think I am bouncing back to 2 times a week:

  • Run Days: M, W, F
  • Strength Days: Th, Sun

We’ll see how this goes.  I’ll be doing HIIT on the days that I strength train too, so I’ll still get some running done in there, but it won’t be how I have been – so my weekly mileage will drop :-(

 

  • Weekly Miles: 24 Miles
  • Weekly Calorie Burn: 2778 Calories
  • Monthly Miles (so Far): 29 Miles
  • Year to Date Miles: 585.1 Miles

Feeling Fall


It seems that the one day we have that feels like the beginning of October, I get emails from like every clothing store touting their new fall looks.  After picking my faves from Banana Republic (My go to store) I found even more from other places!  Here are my picks so far this year… I’m sure I’ll have even more updates as the weeks go on…

 

And of course….

While it looks Turquoise, What Kate Wore  explains:

Banana Republic Facebook

Banana Republic Facebook

Above, a Banana Republic Facebook post about the dilemma. Below, the graphic accompanying that post.

Banana Republic Facebook

 

 

 

Fall Fashions I Am Lusting After


Anyone that knows me, knows that I love the cooler weather.  I really like winter, but that is far far far away… so I’ll take Fall for now.

Well as I was sweating in my car my email buzzed on my phone from Banana Republic, announcing their Fall New Looks!  This of course made me automatically start thinking of changing leaves, a nip in the air and pumpkins.

Here are some of my favorite things from their fall collection so far…

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Weigh In: Face It Friday #SkinnySnowman


WI: -0.0
Total Lost: -40.8
Emotion: Eh

  • I need to step back and look at my choices completely.  I know I haven’t been on plan and frankly this ‘maintain’ of weight is kind of a blessing.  It could have been worse.  I could have gained weight this week.  I could have gained a lot of weight this week.
  • I am going to do my best to stick to the plan.  I am also going to move more.  I know it seems like I workout a lot, but I don’t.  I focus on 1 workout and then the minute that is over I’m like “BOOM.  DONE.”  There was no reason for me not to lift after my run yesterday, but I didn’t.  I didn’t even do my planned ab work.  My stomach is not happy about this.  It has dreams of being flat and toned.  I’m holding it back.
  • If you are having any sort of “UGH” moment – read this article.  It made me smile. (Totally safe for work)
  • Tonight is my work Christmas party – Holiday party – whatever.  It’s at a steakhouse, and we don’t have the menu ahead of time so I am going to try and pick the meal that has the least amount of damage associated with it.  I am also going to watch my intake of alcohol because I can’t get drunk – again – in front of my coworkers, and because I am running tomorrow (And Lifting!).
  • I plan on helping myself negate some of the damage tonight by doing my CrossFit At Home workout from Tuesday.  I had a blast doing it, and I felt strong afterward.  I am going to try and  up the weights a bit this go around and see what happens.  I might injure myself, I might just enjoy myself.  I want to live heavy darn it!
  • I think what it comes down to is my eating habits.  My sweet tooth gets the best of me, and frankly, it needs to stop.  I am going on a Sugar detox.  Not an actual one where I read labels and stuff, but like a “I know this cupcake has sugar in it so I will not eat all of it it.  I won’t go trolling the office for candy like I do most afternoons -this makes me sound horrible – and I will go back to my “Sugar Free” drinks at Starbucks (black coffee with truvia.)
  • I made an awesome dinner last night of baked chicken and sweet potatoes.  I was like licking the plate.  My God I love that combination.  I also love the fact that it’s chock full of protein and good carbs and good fiber.
  • Food Pushers have entered the office.  Danish.  Bagels.  Breakfast Pastries.  No.  I am not going to go to the office.  I am not going to go to the office.  I will stay FAR AWAY FROM THEIR OFFICE. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS.
  • I just found out I got a B in Linguistics!  HOLLA.  I sent in my final endorsement form to GMU for analysis, and bought my text books for next semester for my second class.  I can’t believe this is actually happening.  TPWSNBN got his bonus so I paid off the credit card and transferred the rest to our savings account – which we now have enough to pay for my tuition completely next year without having to dip into any of our normal funds or take a loan out.
  • Things are looking up, so why am I waiting for the fall out?  Ugh that other shoe has to drop right?

Plan for today:

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  • Breakfast: 2 eggs on English muffin w/ Cream cheese & Coffee
  • Snack: Banana
  • Lunch: Garbage salad of onions, carrots, eggs, walnuts, cheese, apple with balsamic; yogurt, diet pepsi
  • Snack: Luna Bar
  • Dinner: Work Holiday Party – Reign in the Control

xoxoxoxox Happy Friday!