Emotion: Are we really doing this again?
I have 66 days. 9 weeks and some days to make a change. High School Reunion. Wow. It’s been 10 years? Weird. So I have to buckle down. If ever there was a real reason. Being on the beach overweight in a foreign country filled with other overweight people in less clothes than you was obviously not a real option – especially because I was still hit on… doesn’t help the whole I should lose more weight feeling. Definitely made me question if I should continue. Then it happened. I saw pictures.
I don’t want to see pictures of this 10 year reunion and see the same girl in high school hiding in baggy clothes or positioning herself behind other people so no one can see her thighs or stomach. I don’t want to be what they remember. I want to walk in being someone that they wouldn’t expect. You bet your damn ass this is about validation. But not from them. It will be validation of myself from myself. Proving to myself that I can make this work. I can lose the weight. I can be happy. I can be strong. I am strong. I will do this.
Starting today. So I gained – a lot. It’s still less than 5 pounds.
Plan of the day:
- Breakfast: English Muffin w/ PB, Banana, Coffee w/ coffeemate
- Lunch: Chipotle Salad: Romaine Lettuce, Veggies, chicken, mild/med/corn salsa, Guac
- Snack: Apple, Pineapple, Grapes
- Dinner: Steak stir fry with Quinoa
- Activity: Running 3.1 Miles
If I am not running I will be doing Insanity. I will take 1-2 days off a week from exercise (depending on mileage and soreness it may be less or more). I will do this. I am not making these promises to you. You don’t care if I lose the weight or not. It doesn’t impact you at all (Unless you are TPWSNBN because then you have to hear about my miserable existence on a daily basis.).
I am writing this down, so I can relive how this moment – this moment of failure – feels. So when I decide I want french fries or M&Ms or chocolate from down the hall, or I don’t want to run or do Insanity or move, I can remember how it felt to not follow the plan. I can remember how it felt to do things half assed.
So when I think “If only there were a pill” I can say to myself “You don’t need drugs, you need self control.”
There is no magic pill. Regardless of what outside situation you have aiding in weight loss you will still have to put some effort in. This is where I get caught up. If I run 7 miles on a Saturday I want to be able to eat what I want all day. Well there goes my calorie burn. If I burn 1000 calories and go out for Pizza, I am most likely eating 1400 calories worth of pizza (It’s really good pizza). While I know I am still in the hole for the day with those numbers due to calorie burn from just living, It’s not like I am picture perfect in my choices the rest of the day.
The Eat More To Weigh Less movement – Man I wish I could have made this work. It was too much freedom. That and counting calories after a while gets to be really annoying. I shouldn’t feel guilty that an Apple is 90 calories. I shouldn’t be looking at 100 calorie packs like they are my saving grace. That movement didn’t teach me to eat healthy – although others are seeing great success with it – I am not built that way.
I know Weight Watchers will work for me as it has in the past. The difference is, is that I worked it then. I need to work it now. I can work it now. I will work it now. It’s already begun.