My A-ha Moment

I have very little self control and will power.  I tend to be impulsive, and spontaneous, which are good attributes to have when talking about vacations, day trips, and boring Saturdays, but not when it comes to diet.

I’m fat ya’ll.

Well after reading a post on one of my favorite blogs (Jacksh*t) I realized that not only do I have the ability to gain self control, but I will get healthy.  I will become a better person inside to become the person I want to be outside.  It’s not going to be easy, or quick, but it will happen.

So often I am told that if I just “take the stairs” “cut out carbs” “try a cleanse/detox” that skinny me will just be around the corner.  Well I’ve done all of those, and then some.  I have put toxic substances into my body to make myself healthier.  How does that work?  I’ve believed celebrities on TV who tell me that ‘With this little pill, not only will you lose weight, but suddenly you will have awesome hair, nails, skin, and sex appeal.’  Who wouldn’t want that?  So I try them, and after three weeks of this, I can’t eat anything without nausea, I can’t walk up a flight of stairs without being winded, my skin is on the fritz, and I am pretty sure my hair is falling out.

No bueno.  And I’m still fat ya’ll.

I wonder “Why isn’t this working?? They said it would!” Who is they?  Kim Kardashian, who was already thin, beautiful, and has a team of professionals to thank for it!  Jillian Micheals?  She doesn’t take her own supplements!  She attributes her weight loss to Kickboxing, martial arts, and clean eating.  So why would she tell us to do otherwise?  Money.

There are no celebrities endorsing these items that have our best interest at heart, because they don’t care if it works for us as long as we think it might at some point, and keep buying their products.

I realized this about a year ago, when I fell in the alluring nature of marketing.  I was at Target with my husband and I was upset that my pants, no longer fit.  These were my fat pants.  I didn’t understand it, and wanted to hide in my house all day because I was a fat freak.  I looked up and saw “Jillian Michaels Detox and Cleanse”.  What?? What is this?? I immediately ran to my husband box in hand yelling in Target (yes, i was yelling) ‘JASON!!  LOOK!!!”  He was like “Um.”  and I said “But It’s Jillian Michaels!  She is healthy!”  Against his better judgment, I bought the starter Detox and Cleanse kit, the calorie burner, and the fat burner plus – $86.19.

I was psyched.  SO psyched.  I got home read the instructions and started the Detox. 

(Insert disgusting Details over the next week).

I was in hell.  But I knew that detoxing wouldn’t be fun so I stuck with it.  I weighed in that Friday and low and behold, I lost 7.8 pounds.  I was weak, dehydrated, and nauseous, but damn, I had lost 7.8 POUNDS.  Now it was time to start the fat burner.  Two pills in the morning, Two at night.

First day – not so bad.  That night I stayed awake till about 3:00am.  Couldn’t close my eyes, heart racing constantly, and the shakes.  I attributed it to, my body adjusting.  I stuck with it.  The next weigh in day I was down 2.4 pounds.  Over 10 pounds in 2 weeks.  I felt elated.  I had finally found the thing that would work for me. 

I then started the Calorie Burner – the three days I was on this, my eyes couldn’t focus.  My headaches turned into migraines.  Nausea was an understatement.  I couldn’t focus my attention on anything other than me thinking this was all part of the process. I used to think “Jillian Michaels Cares about me, because look, I’m losing weight, I am gonna be thin, and hot, and my life will rock… if only I had the strength to move.”

I couldn’t exercise, because that involved vigorous movement that made my heart race to the point of where I felt faint and dizzy.  I had issues with water consumption because too much would fill me up and I wouldn’t be able to eat.  No eating caused no energy, and a constant sick empty feeling.  I was miserable.  On Day 3, my husband said “STOP THIS.” 

And I did.

Over the course of the next week, I felt better.  I gained half the weight back the first week, and the rest of it over the course of the next month.  I was sad, unmotivated, and pissed that I had been lied to by Jillian Michaels.  I trusted her.  I loved her DVDs, and sang her praises, and she had led me into a shit storm.

About 3 weeks ago, I hit rock bottom.  Nothing in my closet fit right, new jeans I bought didn’t remotely fit me, and I felt utterly disgusting.  I thought, diet pills won’t work.  Weight Watchers for some reason I can’t commit to, what the hell is left?  That was when I realized, that I have to do what works for me.  If Counting points doesn’t, lets try full on clean eating and exercise.  So after my 2.8 pound gain 3 weeks ago, I made a plan:

  1. Exercise 5 days a week – no exceptions, at least 30 minutes of activity
  2. Eat out only 1 time during the WWer’s week – no Exceptions
  3. Drink water like it’s your job

I did it. 

Week 1 – All 3 Check – 0.6 pound loss

Week 2 – All 3 Check – 1.2 pound loss

No it might not be the massive losses with unhealthy methods, but these losses will stick, where as it’s proven in the study done on my body in my home, that the other way just leaves you sick.

Thanks to my Support over the past 3 weeks and beyond that.  You know who you are. love you all.

2 thoughts on “My A-ha Moment

  1. I found out years ago that nothing works but shear determination and eating a well-balanced diet while exercising is the only thing that works for me, BUT that isn’t to say I didn’t gain it all back, plus. I am once again on the healthier path to a healthier weight, but this time I have an online community that understands me and THAT makes all the difference.

    BTW, I also stopped by to say hello and to tell you that I have tagged you as a recipient of the Versatile Blogger Award! Please stop by my blog when you get a chance to pick up your award and receive instructions on gifting it forward.

    I’m here for you should you need whatever wisdom I can impart.


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