So I walked into my meeting last night and I was pleasantly surprised.
The leader was really nice, the orientation afterward was great, and the people seemed to be really supportive.
This whole process seems new and exciting even though I have done weight watchers before. I never did it like this, and I never felt the entirety of the weight I have on my bones now.
I weighed in.
That is 2.2 pounds away from 200.
That is 23.2 pounds away from my highest recorded weight.
It breaks my heart to know that not that long ago I was 10 pounds away from goal. TEN. Now I am 37.8.
I shouldn’t focus on this, because it’s going to get better. I took the first step. I walked in the building. The rest is up to me.
I am taking this feeling as well with my mental health. I have to be patient.
With my running. I have to be patient.
Patience is the lesson of the day.
B – Coffee, WW Oatmeal, WW smoothie
S: diet coke
L: Salad w/ zucchini, bell pepper, onion, cheese; yogurt, apple
D: Homemade Pizza
I changed my account to Monthly Pass yesterday, and will be going to my first meeting tonight. I’m nervous as a hooker in church, but I’ll get through it.
I’m leaving work at around 3 to get home and get my run over with so I can be at the center by 5. I’m thinking this will hold me more accountable than just online has. I think the idea of going each week will keep me on track.
Just have to get in the door.
- Breakfast: 3 eggs, zucchini, bell pepper, onion; coffee w/ milk
- Snack: water
- Lunch: Chipotle – lettuce, veggies, medium salsa, corn salsa, barbacoa, cheese
- Snack: more water for my run
- Dinner: Pork tenderloin with zucchini pasta
Activity: 3 miles this afternoon. I should have done it this morning, but sleep was needed.
I’m missing Moody something fierce right now. I keep thinking his little 11 pound body will be next to my bed. I keep thinking that I have to mix his food. I keep thinking I have to get his shot ready. I keep thinking he’ll be asleep next to me on the couch. I miss his presence. I miss his fur. I hate that I know I won’t ever hold him again.
Moody and Jason
Breaks my heart.
I’m hoping that this new turn I am taking in my life will be exactly what I need. I hate waiting, even though I think I am being really patient. I’m fighting really hard, I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to see the progress, no matter how small.
I’m really trying. In running and mental stability and weight loss, really trying.
This even applies to me
- Monday: REST DAY
- Tuesday: 3 Mile Run (AM) (MY BIRTHDAY!) – 32’27″ – 10’49″ pace
- Wednesday: 3 Mile Run (AM) – 33’44″ – 11’15″ pace
- Thursday: 6 Mile Run (PM) – 1:10:05 – 11’41″ pace
- Friday: Rest Day
- Saturday: 3 Mile Run – 32’07″ – 10’42″ pace
- Sunday: 11 Mile Run – 2:01:29 – 11’02″ pace
Week 4 concludes. I can’t even fathom the 12 miler next weekend. I know I’ve run farther then that, but it still seems soooooo hard.
I know it is hard.
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
I came to a realization last night, as I couldn’t sleep, that I am at the same starting point I was at before. I am at an impasse, but I don’t have to be.
I’m actually at the point now, where I don’t want to diet, lose weight, etc. I have to. I’m not healthy. My habits are not good. I need to stop worrying about medications and start eating healthy food to fix things.
While I love running, I need to switch it up a bit. Sunday I am actually going on an old fashioned 3-Day training walk with some of my TDMs (Three Day Moms). I haven’t seen them in forever, so it will be pretty damn awesome to.
I have bananas, strawberries, and a salad for my food today. I have a healthy dinner planned, and I’m also running 6 miles this afternoon.
It’s a glorious day to be alive, and a glorious way to start over again.
Another Morning Run
First – I got up again and ran. I am proud of myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it this afternoon, and I was just going to skip it. I was thinking up how I could change my running plan around to make it work, and every equation was bad. So I got up and did it.
I’m 30 now. It’s not really sunk in that I am older, only because I don’t feel that I am. But, I have realized that things I’ve done in the past aren’t going to end up the way they used to. Actions will not have the same endings as they did before.
What I Have Learned (For Better or Worse)
- You can not drink like you did in your early 20′s. Don’t try. It will end badly. So very badly.
- Getting up earlier is easier – but not by much.
- Going to bed is easier – by leaps and bounds.
- Although I never had a strong metabolism, I really don’t have one at all now. What you eat is way more important than the amount of exercise you do.
- The friends you still have are the ones you will have for life.
- Coffee is your best friend. Never give it up.
- If you have a job you hate, don’t stay there. No money is worth it.
- Don’t burn bridges at the job you hate, because frankly, you never know when you might need a paycheck – no matter how crappy the job is.
- Focus on the positive. Life is too short to keep thinking about the negative.
- Spend time with your parents. Spend as much time as you can. They are getting older as you are. Time is precious.
- We are still masters of our fate. We are still captains of our soul. – Winston Churchill
- You are not always the smartest person in the room.
- Arrogance is ugly.
- You can always learn something from everyone around you – regardless if it is useful information.
- Nostalgia is something to hold on to
- Stop drinking liquor
I know this isn’t funny, at least mostly, but It’s a list of the lessons I’ve learned. I’m embarking on my be healthier and be better kick.
let’s hope by the time I am 40 I can say that I kept up with all of these.