Plan Plan Plan
I can’t for the life of me remember the dinners I am making this week, so I’ll just give you my work out plan:
- Monday: Run 3.1 Miles
- Tuesday: Rest Day
- Wednesday: Run 3.1 Miles
- Thursday: Cross Train/ 30 Day Shred
- Friday: Rest Day
- Saturday: Long Run
- Sunday: Cross Train/30 Day Shred
Go Me.
The weather is nice enough today that running outside would be awesome. I am just not sure yet. My foot feels good, and it’s been a whole week since I ran outside so I am thinking I might just go for it. It’s only 3 miles. I can do that.
Tomorrow is hell day at work. All day dry run meeting in which I am running and making edits in real time.
Great.
Nothing Compares To You
I keep hearing all these phrases of “But I only ran this far…” or “I only lost this much..” Or “So and So lost this much weight in half the time as me…”
Or my favorite..
“I’m a failure.”
It’s enough to drive you cray cray. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we allow the comparisons of others dictate our successes? Our Failures? Our lives?
Who cares how one operates with in their own life? What works for them, for you, for me, will not always yield the same results to anyone who tries.
You can't tell in this picture but I'm screaming
I literally have wracked my brain over this. It’s such a simple concept. You are you. Everyone else is taken. You do you. Don’t try and be anyone else, because you will be nothing but a copy cat, a poser, a fake.
I’m guilty of all of these crimes against my self worth. I’m guilty of all of the nasty comments. I’m guilty of putting myself down and out because I for some reason don’t feel as though I measure up.
Whoops.
I did 6.2 miles running today. It was by no means my fastest, best, most exciting run – but I did it.
and for that I’m awesome.
Long Run? Eh. Kind of.
My training plan stated I should do 10 miles today.
My foot said “No.”
I did 6.33 miles.
Win?
While I am desperately trying not to care about pace, because comparing yourself to others is wrong, and dumb, I’m also trying not to get discouraged on the treadmill. Next weekend I’ll run outside and see if I can go farther. I really think the only reason why I stopped today was out of pure boredom. I hate the treadmill for long runs. Hate.
But it’s over, and the rest of the day can be done on the couch.
Tomorrow I am planning on a quick warm up walk on the treadmill in the morning and then weights, this will round out my weekend.
THEN Epic Shopping Trip to Tysons with BFF Lisa.
Ta Ta!
Friday Adventures
So I am off work today due to the Monday Holiday (I had to work, so this is a flex day). I woke up weighed in, and then ate breakfast. I normally have Oatmeal, a smoothie, and some coffee. Or an English Muffin and Smoothie and Coffee. I am all for having a big filling breakfast to set you up for a good day, but I started thinking I was still having too much food. So I bought some protein powder last night.
It came highly recommended and the nutrient that come with it, are great. I added 2 scoops ( 1 serving or 3P+) to 1 cup skim milk, 1/2 frozen banana, and 1 cup frozen strawberries. Holy Filling Breakfast.
I hate to admit the weigh lifter coworkers I have are right. But I was good till lunch.
I had a snack of fruit, but it was so good. I am thinking about also adding spinach for extra protein, and some iron. Tomorrow because it’s my long run day, I am going to still eat the oatmeal and apple with some coffee, just because that’s what I’ve been doing and I don’t want to deviate from the norm.
Then I had a nasty lunch, followed by some tea and PB and apple to sustain me till dinner.
Then I Built This
I have no idea what it is. I’m imagining a frame, of some kind. I’ll paint it and attach some sort of thing like a cork board or a black board, or a white board. Some kind of board. I was really board.
Apparently I am still bored, as I just put together Apple Cinnamon Bread from Scratch. Let’s hope it actually comes out okay.
I’m getting antsy about baking. I love baking so much, but I kind of suck at it. I don’t really know the basic mechanics of it, and when I read up on it I get confused.
I will never open up a bakery.
I will never be on cupcake wars.
I’m totally okay with this.
So the diet is on like donkey kong (Yes I hate myself slightly for saying that) because there is a phenomenal chance, that I, BeBe, will be going to Puerto Rico for Memorial Day.
Yes. Puerto Rico.
Yes I realize I am translucently pale, and burn like I am in an oven, but, this is a girls weekend. Lisa, has always had a wanderlust, and it’s rubbing off like whoa. So I asked Jason.. Can I take a girls trip?
He said “Sure.”
Silly boy.
Because Lisa is awesome she is looking at packages, and airfares, etc. so I just basically have to pay and show up. This makes me uber happy because I suck at planning things like this. Parties? Meetings? I rock. Travel? Eh.
Well I’ve been sucked into another SVU marathon…
Tale From The Scale Friday
WI: +1.4
Total Lost: -1.4 since recommitting
Go me. Well I knew I would gain this week, it was inevitable. I didn’t exercise as much as normal due to my foot, but I continued to eat like I was running 10 miles a day.
This would be fine if I was actually running a lot. Today is a rest day – or yoga, or just eating right. I’m actually afraid of doing yoga, because of all the stretches. But then part of me wonders if it would be good. I’m also wondering how tomorrow will be with my long run.
how long will I be able to go for?
Will it hurt like hell?
Should I have jason ready to come and pick me up from somewhere if need be?
All these questions.
Come To Terms.
This was recommended to me by one of my leads at work. She is a runner (Many races under her belt) and she also has a degree in Sports Medicine. She is an avid believer in that surgery is not always the best or needed option, and I am finally getting to the point where listening to her is a better option then jumping under the knife.
I so far have read the majority of chapter 1 and the introduction, and I am inspired. I felt hopeless last night while walking around target in pain, and lashed out at my husband because I feel like a failure and like I’ve been defeated again by my own hand. When we got home, still fuming, I opened the book and started to read. With in the first few paragraphs I was tearing up. Since the Bible, I haven’t been given so much hope in such a short span of reading.
I would have continued reading but my mind was drifting off to sleep, and I needed to follow it. I want to absorb this book, not just skim over it.
Tonight i’m planning on another 3.1 miles – I’m thinking outside .. possibly. May be. I want to. No? WHY NOT? BUT IT’S 70 DEGREES.
Fine. I’ll be running on the treadmill. Then I’ll do my weights/strength exercises and then stretching.
I might even stretch before – because apparently, me just warming up, is bad.
I’ve been thinking a lot about where my life currently is. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I berate myself, constantly, without really any good reason – not that there is ever a good reason to do so.
I’m not skinny. I doubt I ever will be. I will always have curves, a butt that can hold up a towel on it’s own, and a tummy with some pudge. I don’t want a six pack. I don’t want a flat behind. I like looking like a woman, but my version of myself as a woman is skewed.
I have, since a young age, never felt feminine. I never knew how to style my hair, do make up correctly, dress so that I flattered my positives and hid my negatives, I never knew how to shop (I would buy the same shirt in numerous colors, instead of a variety of styles). I never learned how to correctly walk in heels. I have always taken comfort over style, and it’s turned me into a tom boy for life. I’m self conscious about my legs, so skirts are always a big issue for me. I’m terrified of dresses being too short, shirts being too tight, or coming across as trying too hard.
I grew up with a complex to dress like a boy and be regarded as one of the guys, because then they won’t make fun of you.
Well that worked, sometimes. I could go into the whole “My first crush” blah blah blah story but whats the point? What good will it do?
I was molded into this personality from a young age. It didn’t help with the string of relationships that left me emptier than being single did. It didn’t help that the first person I had actual, true to God feelings for above and beyond liking, turned out to be Gay (disclaimer, I don’t blame him. I just wish my heart hadn’t loved him so much). It didn’t help that the next ‘solid’ relationship I had ended in a ‘forced encounter’ permanently leaving me with recurring nightmares, and a string of therapists trying to help me forgive, when I still and always will hate him.
It isn’t fair that my husband had to meet me like this.
It isn’t fair that a horrible self image has allowed me to think I am not worth it enough to care.
This seems like I went off on a tangent, but really it’s everything that has circled my mind at one time or another, weighing me down. Pulling me further and further away from my goals.
This is why I haven’t lost the weight. This is why I stall at this point each time. This is why I can’t be 100% involved in my future, because I am still battling with my past.
This has to end now. I’m not saying it’s gonna be an overnight fix. Because it’s not. I am saying that I need to, if I am going to be happy, and healthy, and someday possibly be a mother, I CAN NOT, I WILL NOT, pass on these feelings of inadequacy to my children. I can’t let my negativity be passed down, it will never end.
I need to be stronger for them, who don’t even exist yet, but also for my husband who can’t keep watching his wife destroy herself.
I need to be stronger for me, because I am tired of destroying myself.
I doubt this made sense. If it did, even parts, then great. I hope you don’t think me insane after reading this.
.We’re all young and naive still • We require certain skill.
Oh Hai Thursday! Friday! It’s my Friday! SO EXCITED.
Why? Because I get to sleep in a bit – just a bit – tomorrow. Then I’ll do some yoga, some weights, some stretching, and focus on getting back on track with this healthy living plan.
I’m pretty sure I will have gained this week, and while that sucks, it’s okay. I had my first ever smoothie with spinach this morning. I’m hooked. After the coffee, the smoothie, and the oatmeal with banana – I’m stuffed.
Which is good.
Tonight I’m going for another run – most likely on the treadmill – Sadly I think any run I do that isn’t a long one will be on the treadmill at this point. I’m battling with if I should do the 10 miler this weekend or not. I know my foot can handle mileage, and I can always take breaks, if need be, I just don’t want to lose my endurance for distance at this point. I’ve given up pace wishes, I just want to finish, get my medal, get healed, and train for the next one – THE RIGHT WAY.
SAY WHAT?
Yup. I have my sights set on the Disney Princess Half Marathon in 2013.
Because I am crazy. We’ll see. Today is day 4 in the boot, and I am optimistic. I can’t afford to be negative with 22 days till the half.
Speaking of the half…
I need to form my costume. I need the following:
- Cheap Green TuTu
- Light weight Black running tights – preferably all black without zippers at the ankles
- Green running shirt (With Dry Wicking) or a shirt with a Shamrock on it or something that say’s Guinness
- Shamrock Bondiband – I’m ordering this already
It’s truly sad how into this costume I am.
xoxo
More later… work is gearing up.
BeBe in the Boot : Run #1
The doctor told me to listen to my body and attempt to keep my running schedule. SO I did. Yesterday I came home and pounded out 3.1 miles on the treadmill. It is arguably my best run. Not my fastest, but my most enjoyable. I had a bit of pain right out of the gate in my foot, but it subsided as my body warmed up to the exercise it had been begging for. I had the TV off and the music loud and I was in the zone.
I ran the entire 3.1 miles – Something that normally for me, is unheard of. This is because I don’t know how to pace myself. Literally. I start off too fast and then tire quicker. So I end up run/walking every mile. This is something I am used to, but yesterday, while on the treadmill, I picked an arbitrary pace and then modified it when I got in my ‘zone’ to where I was comfortable for the full run. I walked a little bit after the run was over, and then got some random idea about weights. I decided to do some arm exercises, and then stretching.
I felt renewed. I felt great. I felt strong. I finished up the stretching and chugged some water, and then while walking up the stairs that familiar pain came back. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel defeated. I just ran 3 miles. That is nothing to laugh at.
I’m excited about PT exercises today. I know it’s going to hurt, but, I know in the long run it will feel better because of it.
I know a lot of you find the fact that with my injury, that I am allowed to run, a bit absurd. To clarify, again, this current plan I am on is purely to get me through the race, with minimal damage. The doctor is getting me to the finish line, then it’s rest until I’m 100% better. While I appreciate the concern, the ideas, and the opinions, some of the responses I’ve been getting, and some of the commentary I’ve seen on my posts on facebook, twitter, etc. are just almost hurtful. So please, if you don’t agree with my current plans, then just ignore my blog, facebook, and twitter. It will cure the discontent on both sides.
HAWT.
It’s Lent. I’m not Catholic. This shouldn’t even be on my radar, as Protestants don’t have to sacrifice something for 40 days to be closer to God. We strive for closeness year round, while keeping out Coffee, beer, and excuses 
I’ve decided though, that this year I am going to give up something. I’m giving up a pleasure that has become a vice. Since I already quit smoking, I’ve decided to give up chocolate.
Starting today till April 8th, no Chocolate. It seems fitting that the Easter basket’s we’ve all grown to love and anticipate as children, will take on a whole new meaning for me now.
This will help with the lack of exercise too, because, lets face it, less chocolate = less sugar, fat, carbs going into my body that don’t need to be here. Lucky for me, Jason devoured the pint of Chocolate PB Ice Cream last night (Yes the whole thing), and the only other chocolate I have is unsweetened cocoa.
If I need to make/eat a cake between now and Easter, it will just not contain chocolate. Carrot Cake anyone? How about Vanilla Almond?
I am pretty sure this week, I will have gained weight. It’s sad but true. I’m only going to have earned about 34 APs this week – which to some people is a lot – but to me is about 15 less. Did my eating change? HAHA no. So Next week, I’ll modify that. I’d like to keep the scale going in the right direction, so anything that I can do to make that happen, that would be great.
So I think my refined plan will be as follows:
Cheat Day – Where I can use WPs and eat without guilt: Friday – This is my weigh in day, so my points reset regardless and its the end of the week.
Monday through Thursday – Daily Points & APs earned only, 100 oz of water, fruit as snacks, listen to hunger signals
Saturday & Sunday – Weekly points can be used, but not in a crazy fashion.
No Alcohol Sunday through Thursday
Let’s hope this works. I don’t have my old sized clothes anymore, so it kind of has to.
Tonight’s Schedule: PT Exercises & Low Key resting night.
xoxo
I Love a Little Competition
With myself that is.
I’m not catholic, but I love challenges. For Lent this year, I’ve decided that I am going to give up chocolate.
That’s right, from February 22 (Tomorrow) to April 8 (40 days from tomorrow) I will not eat one piece of chocolate. I will not indulge in a Skinny Mocha from Starbucks. I will not bake chocolate cake and then have just a bite. No Chocolate.
Have I gone mad?
No. I realize that this may seem a bit extreme for some, but for me, it may be my answer. If I eliminate a trigger food from my life, will other triggers stop? With my ‘cravings’ and ‘cheats’ go away? Will I just end up replacing it with something just as bad? Or will I slowly realize I don’t need them anymore?
I never thought I would be able to quit smoking, but here I am. Smoke free. Do I miss it? Sometimes. But I miss the addictive properties. I miss the act of it, the ritual.
Truth be told, the smell makes me sick now.
I don’t want the smell/taste of chocolate to make me sick, but I also don’t want it in the front space of my mind. I would like to have it as an indulgence, not a routine.
So tomorrow starts 40 days. Wish me luck!
All Things Considered
Things can always be worse.
My leg/foot could be broken. The doctor could have flat out said no running, instead of working with me and the medical assistant (Jeff I love you for standing up for me and my race). My foot could hurt worse today than feel better (which is does, it really does). I could have to forgo any type of physical therapy due to my insurance not willing to cover it (Something about not going to the hospital when I noticed the injury or some junk – don’t bother with the advice on this one, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with them yesterday and got the same answer) but instead I have friends (Diana FTW) who had similar injuries and took scans of her PT exercises to give me.
Gotta love the love, right?
I’m so angry at myself for my horrible bone mechanics, and the fact that if I had just paced myself a bit more – may be spaced out the runs more, not picked such an aggressive deadline (I guess 6.5 months was not enough time) or possibly, I don’t know, not been so freaking stubborn, I wouldn’t be in this mess (BTW I don’t need lectures on this. I have a Mom and a Dad and they do a great job of this on their own.). I’m not trying to be difficult or mean, but have you ever noticed that when anything happens at all be it good or bad, it seems everyone has an opinion?
That’s great, and all. But when EVERYONE – i.e. people you don’t normally talk to, lost facebook friends who you haven’t seen in real life since elementary school or friends of friends, who somehow post on your wall (Thanks Facebook Privacy!) it gets to be a bit much.
I asked the doctor what I should respond with, since both of us agreed I would not only get flack for even talking about moving with a boot on my foot, let alone still doing the race in March, but that this practice is not really ‘orthodox’ in that most injuries state you should rest, not continue to train. He said “I’ve given you a plan, follow the plan, listen to your body, we’ll get through this alive. You will finish the race.”
That’s all I need to know.
So here is the Doctor’s Plan in Detail (i.e. the workout plan I posted yesterday? yeah forget that.)
- Monday – PT exercises (At home) – This starts next week because I was diagnosed yesterday)
- Tuesday – Run 3-4 miles & PT Exercises
- Wednesday – PT Exercises
- Thursday – Run 3-4 Miles & PT Exercises
- Friday – PT Exercises & Yoga
- Saturday – Long Run (Whatever that ends up being) & PT Exercises
- Sunday – PT Exercises & Yoga
Because I am not going to a PT Center and therefore will not be getting the “Full PT” experience he said light yoga (he actually mentioned the DVD I use by name) twice a week would help. He told me that I shouldn’t hold plank longer than 30 seconds until I am pain free because of the formation of how the foot is in that instance.
I told him I was already on Diclofenac for something unrelated by my Primary Care Doc and he agreed that piggybacking on that for the anti inflammatory goodness would be fine. He said for pain he couldn’t give me narcotics (Wasn’t severe enough, or he doesn’t believe in pain pills, or I fit some sort of stereotype – I can think of a million conspiracy theories.) so advil/tylenol it is until I can find some on the street.
He also said overdose on water – this will help it heal?
He then said ‘If you don’t have to move, then don’t.’ i.e. Jason becomes the Domestic Goddess I know he is. He did laundry last night, and cleaned up from dinner. He waited on me, and took care of the dogs. It was really cute. It will be odd for my control freak habits to be okay with him doing this for me, for this long.
Mainly though, he said take it easy. So that’s why I have basically eliminated other activities from my calendar… I know I didn’t really have any other activities, but if any should have transpired I would have to respectfully decline now. I see a lot of sitting in my future.
It’s always that way though. I complain about the idea of going out for a run, or having to exercise at all, or dread doing anything involving movement, until I can’t push myself any longer. I’m having to scale back to what I would consider an ‘easy week of workouts’. If I am able to do my long runs on Saturdays, then that will be the one day a week I push.
That is unless PT hurts like a jackhammer to my face, then I’ll be pushing in a less than cardio way every day.
I’m excited to see what the run does to me today. I am interested to see if I’ll be able to do anything at all. I’m doing this one on the treadmill in case I have to stop suddenly. The way our basement is laid out is kind of nice. I have the TV in the corner, the treadmill in front of it, but to the side, and then my exercise mats next to that. Behind the treadmill about 4 feet is a couch, and then to the right of that couch is another couch. So, if I need to stop, I have somewhere to sit while I get back to normal. If this run goes okay, then the next step is outdoor run on Thursday.
The goal of the half is to finish. Just to finish. I’m okay with what ever that means.
So what about my foot deformity?
Source
Metatarsus adductus (met adductus) is a deformity where the forefoot turns inward, and you are born with this deformity. It is not common. A podiatrist should be able to spot this problem fairly easily.
The best time to treat metatarsus adductus is early – when the child is an infant. At birth our bones are pliable and the podiatrist will treat this deformity by placing the child’s foot in a cast that gently nudges the foot back into its correct position.
If an adult has pain or problems associated with metatarsus adductus (med adductus), most podiatrists would recommend trying a special arch support called an orthotic. Orthotics help balance the foot by placing it in a more normal position.
If an orthotic does not work, then one would need surgery to “fix” the problem. The good news is that most adults with metatarsus adductus do not have a lot of problems and surgery is rarely necessary.
There you have it. I can just get custom orthotics and hopefully be okay. Right now I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty Stellar.
I’d like to thank everyone for the outpouring of support yesterday when I was at my weakest most horrible point. I was crying and unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though my prognosis was good. It was the amazing amount of love, and kind words, and prayers that made me see that though it’s a bit of an annoyance, it’s just a speed bump.
Thank you.
xoxo
